Measure progress without the scale

Here's a pretty great article on how to measure your progress without the scale.

Measure Progress Without the Scale, from Sparkpeople.com

I've lost 2 inches off my belly

Good news.

I just broke my own rule and measured my belly NOT on the 1st of the month. (I am trying to only take my measurements monthly.)

Anyway, I was very pleased to see that I have lost a total of 2 inches off my belly circumference. And that means I've lost 1 1/4" since I last measured myself 3 weeks ago and had lost 3/4 of an inch. Which means it coincides with the timeframe that I got the elliptical and started serious cardio every day.

That's almost double the fat loss from dieting alone. 

 I think that was the final piece of the puzzle. That's some real, empirical proof that it's working. Ya know? I was starting to doubt myself really bad, like.... is it all in my head? Have I just convinced myself that it's working so I don't have to feel bad about failing? But no. It really is working. That's fantastic.

So that's it. Either today or tomorrow I am going to go join the Y.

maybe it's time to join a gym

OK.

So my elliptical is broken.

The bolt that connects the left pedal to the fly wheel is stripped, so bad they couldn't re-fit it at the auto shop. Plus, it is a "left handed" specialty bolt that basically can only be replaced by the company that makes the elliptical. I tried the electric tape around the bolt head thing -- nope, it held for about 10 seconds and slam it was off again. Blah, blah, blah, I could go on and on about how I've spent almost all of my day except when I was at work either driving store to store trying to get it fixed, or at home trying to McGyver it.... it's broken, that's that.

So -- do I, a) buy another one so that one can break too in 3 weeks, or b) buy an even more expensive one and hope it doesn't break, c) buy a different cardio machine, or d) say f--k it and go join a gym?

I feel like I am on a precipice where my whole fitness and health goals are about to fall apart. When it happened this morning -- like 90 seconds into my workout -- I felt so discouraged that right at that moment I said, "Fine, I give up. WTF?? Is fate against me??" I finally find the motivation to put serious dedication into working out, like legitimate working out -- including spending a significant chunk of money on home workout equipment..... I mean, really???? I swear it feels like one of those "well that's just how my life always goes" moments, you know what I mean?

In addition to this, I have also gained weight. Gained. I'm doing my elliptical 5-6 days a week for 30 min a day and I gained weight. Around 4 lbs., which is minor, but still, that combined with my elliptical breaking and I was like, "Are you kidding me? Is this really happening?" I just had that feeling, that sinking feeling in my chest, like no matter what I do it fails. I've done this right, all of it, by the book and I've applied myself to the point that I don't feel right unless I get my workout in. Really? Me? Kyle the Fat Kid needs to work out to feel ok?

Demons begone, right?

So throughout the day at work as I was mulling over the situation.....

I realized that I was going to do something about it. I'm not going to give up.

I went to Wal-Mart after work and looked at cardio equipment. And as I was looking at them, considering just saying fuck it and buying either another elliptical or bike or something, I kept thinking to myself, I should just buck up and get over my thing about the gym and go join the Y. I did talk myself into walking over to the DIY section and getting some McGyver materials before I just bought another one, so I came home with electric tape, galvanized wire and bungee cords. (None of that worked.) However, even before my attempted solution failed, I still kept having that back burner conversation with myself about the gym.

I just have issues with the gym. I feel so uncomfortable working out in front of other people.

But, I also think I can get over that. I've found that since I quit smoking, I can work out a lot longer and a lot harder and since I have been also doing strength training I can lift more. I think I will be able to just focus on my workout and not be so worried that I look dumb or people are staring at me or whatever. I also think that having a variety of equipment and training options and a fully set up gymnasium at my disposal would be awesome.

Anyway.... I think that covers it. I'm gonna mull it over for another day or two.

lost 3/4 of an inch off my belly -- awesome!

For the last couple days I have been doing some research, trying to figure out why I'm not losing weight. Tomorrow I'll be six weeks in and my net loss is negligible. A pound or less, on any given day. It's discouraging, even though I've managed to transform that disappointment into motivation, it would be awesome to actually see a drop on the scale too.

Anyway, I've also noticed a few other things that I feel are all related to it.

First off, since I've started using the elliptical every day with a couple one day breaks, I find I am up to pee like 3 or 4 times in the night. I've always been a nighttime bathroom goer. But usually once or less, sometimes a second time during rehearsal for getting out of bed -- LOL -- you know that one, where you're awake and you feel like it's time to get out of bed for the day and then you come back from the bathroom and... zzzz. But the last couple weeks, I'm up to pee all night, ug. I know it's from the greatly increased water I'm drinking. And after looking at my nutrition log I am willing to admit maybe I could stand to cut my sodium a little. But I also believe it is related to water retention from changing my fitness routine, kicking it way up. The frequent peeing 100% coincided with it.

A scant minute of research on the Internet also reveals that not losing weight, or even gaining weight, during the first couple weeks of a new exercise regimen is totally normal, and temporary. Here's what I learned:

When you start exercising regularly, or change your workouts dramatically, your muscles start converting glucose (carbs) to glycogen, which is the real fuel your muscles burn. This causes water retention because it takes 3 water molecules for every 1 molecule of glycogen produced. DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) or the soreness you feel after exercising, also causes water retention in the muscles because DOMS is actually microscopic muscle tears from exertion (how muscle mass is actually increased) which are inflamed and slightly swollen, just the way a cut on your skin gets inflamed and swollen during healing. People may in fact not feel any soreness from exercise, but still be experiencing water retention from DOMS.

(NOTE: glycogen is also the nutrient that gets used during exercise, causing endorphin release, which is the cause of "runner's high.")

Here's what made me start digging deeper into the question, Why am I not losing weight?

This morning, I was looking at myself naked in the mirror and I had my hands around my belly and I noticed that it really seriously felt smaller and lighter in my hands. (Yes, I can pick up my fat.) I gave it the "shake test" and it was noticeably lighter. A little shocked -- I have been struggling to figure out why I am not losing weight, but my belly is noticeably smaller -- I give it the side-view exam in the mirror, and sure enough, Holy shit, it is smaller. So I sprint (all 3 steps) over to my desk, whip out my cloth tape measure and take my measurement around my belly. And there it is, proof on the tape measure: I've lost 3/4 of an inch around my belly.

So, in fact, I have lost "weight" -- I've lost fat, and a noticeable amount of it, off my worst trouble area -- my belly. It really helps me keep my motivation to have discovered this. I do still have that voice in the back of my head, like, "It's not working, you're gaining weight, just forget it." And to have solid, scientific proof that I am actually smaller than I was six weeks ago, kinda shuts that voice up nicely.

Plus, I can't give enough praise to the endorphin rush I get from working out, particularly from cardio.

A word about endorphins: according to Wikipedia, endorphins are, "... 'endogenous morphine,' or, a morphine-like substance originating from within the body." That feeling, like I'm superman, you just can't get it from everything, and now that I figured out I get it from jogging on my elliptical, I'm hooked. LOL -- I'm hooked on my own morphine.

Here's a couple articles on the matter:
I just started exercising to lose weight and I'm gaining
Why the Scale Goes Up When You Start a New Workout Plan

Runner's high?

Did I say I couldn't do the elliptical today? Yes, I believe right here I said I was too sore from yesterday.

Apparently not so, as I just ran 38 minutes on elliptical. I call it running because I get my speed up to 6 mph or higher which is considered a jogging pace. And it feels like running.

Anyway, here's what happened:

WARNING: there is a brief but mild TMI in this. You'll know it when you read it.

Having decided I was too sore for more than a cursory warm-up on the elliptical, I set to my new project: Seeing What I Want To Use The Core Ball For.

I did some hellish horizontal crunches which I'm sure I'll pay for in soreness tomorrow. A few others from the pdf I downloaded, none of which I liked, and then I did some of my free weight sets sitting at about 45 degrees back. I was still getting this feeling like I was still not satisfied with my workout, I didn't feel like I'd really done anything.

So, because I liked the feeling of them, and because I felt like I needed to work out more, I did another set of 50 of those scathing hard crunches, laying flat back on the ball. I had also done my baseline free weight sets already, prior to the core ball.

In the midst of all this, I took a 45 minute break and ate a garden burger with grilled onion, sauerkraut and extra sharp cheddar with mustard on organic sprouted-grain bread. Two of them in fact, because I knew I was hungry and it was already after 6 pm, and I am trying not to eat at all after 8, and there could still be time for a small snack in there somewhere.

At any rate, I said to myself, "I need to work out some more after I eat," figuring I would do some more sets with the core ball. I do like it, and as I am getting more comfortable with it, I am finding it more and more a useful tool.

I did try that. I did some backward extensions (which are wicked hard...) and a few more crunches, and was still not getting the sense of it being sufficient. So, I hauled myself up off the floor and said, "Fine, I'm gonna try to run again."

Got on the elliptical. Took me about 5 minutes to warm up all the way, then I got up to my 6 mph mark, and logged 31 more minutes. And after that, I felt that satisfaction I was after.

I find that about the 10 minute mark or so is when I start to feel really awesome while I am on the elliptical -- what I call running, or jogging, or jimbing (jog-climbing.) Once my heart rate gets to a certain point where I feel like my breathing is synchronized with it, I find I can run really smoothly and it feels effortless, and I have bursts where I run a lot faster and harder and those bursts of energy feel even better, like I really feel like superman. I said it in another post. I'm pretty sure it's "Runner's High," which is the endorphin  release you experience particularly during prolonged cardio. (Apparently "runners high" and endorphin-induced euphoria have evolutionary roots also.)

Anyway, I wasn't expecting it to actually feel good. Like, when I get that burst of energy, I really feel like I can do anything and I feel like, "Hell yeah!" I don't feel like I've worked out really until I get to that point. At least it didn't give me a boner this time; that's happened twice and I was kinda worried it would happen every time. (Googled that. Normal.) So, that is what I was missing, I wanted that endorphin bath. Now I get it, I understand what all those voices are talking about when they say working out "makes you feel good." The general good feeling afterward too is quite awesome.

Who knew.

Burning muscles does not count as warmed up LOL

Did I say I'd be sore today? Yep.

Not from two days ago, but from yesterday where I hit a new record for myself on the elliptical: 48 minutes.

Today, I only just barely made it through a five minute warm-up, which was only a warm-up because I was hot and dripping sweat by 90 seconds -- my muscles never warmed up, unless burning with every step counts. LOL I tried a take-two and only made it just over 2 minutes before I said, "Ok no, I can't do this today."

Still, I did get a little 7 minute cardio warm-up. I like to warm up my cardio a little even if I plan to focus on weight training.

I got an exercise ball at Goodwill, still in the original packaging. Turns out it's an awesome one. It's weighted so it returns to the same position and it's made of some neoprene super stuff. Googled it. Anyway, I get it now. I see what all the hype of the ball is. It really works your core, and it helps you with form and balance big time. It doesn't even really matter what you do, as long as you use the thing, it is working your abs and core. I've been sitting on it while I some of my free weight sets and I find that it is a lot harder to get through the sets because I am also working on staying centered on the ball.

So that's what I've accomplished today (other than working.) I don't feel satisfied yet. I will probably do some more free weight sets or maybe I'll try one of the recommended workouts I downloaded after I Googled the core ball. They look wicked hard.

I'm looking forward to working out today?? This one's a must read. LOL

Ok the weirdest thing happened last night.

I was on my elliptical, fighting my way through my warmup -- 5 min.

I find that the first 3 minutes is the hardest, it's when I start telling myself I'm going to get through my 20 min in 2 or even three sessions, or that I'm "just gonna take a break" after I get through the warmup. Then, just as 3 minutes is starting to loom on the timer, I break into the first sweat, my pulse goes heavy but even, and I realize, Oh, I'm gonna be just fine.

So, I'm jimbing (that's jog-climbing) away somewhere around 10 minutes, and I'm starting to feel the second wave of fatigue, and I think, Alright, I might take take a break at 15 min. And instead, what happened was I got to 14 minutes and thought, Fuck it, six more and I'll be at 20 min which is goal.

Then the weird thing happened.

This is my elliptical a Weslo G 3.1

I got to 20 minutes still going steady at 6 mph (which is a fast jog) with the resistance tension set at 6 out of 8. And I realized I felt really great, like superman in fact. And I said, "Fuck it. 10 more minutes." And I turned the resistance up to max, and kicked it up to a hard jog, 11 mph for 10 minutes, until the last 90 seconds warm down. And seriously, I felt like a million bucks. I've never enjoyed exercising before. Even remembering it while I write this, and I'm anxious to go get on the elliptical. Weird.

I'm not even sore today, which is fantastic. I might be tomorrow, I've had a 48 hour delay on that before. But it won't be bad, I don't think. The most muscular part of me is my legs anyway. But it's the weirdest thing to actually be -- right now -- looking forward to working out today. Weird. Weird. Weird. I like it.

30 Day Report

Wow, I haven't written in 2 1/2 weeks.

Well let's see. July 1st has come and gone, so my 30 day trial run is completed. Really more like 5 weeks. I knew it was going to take me a full month to get a real sense of how I was going to make it work. And a couple times I have really felt like it was another false start, but instead I seem to have made it work.

I only lost 1 pound. However, in the course of the month I actually gained 5 lbs. over my starting weight, so I actually lost 6 lbs. but only a net loss of 1.

Smoking cigarettes: still quit and over the first serious almost-relapse, which I am pretty happy about. I've smoked a few real cigarettes (versus my eCig) over the month but each time it has tasted and felt disgusting to me and even though I smoked the whole thing, it reminded me how glad I was that I didn't smoke any more. I had one evening with friends and a few too many drinks where I had an evening long relapse. And after that, I think 3 days in a row, I smoked one real cigarette a day. This coincided with me having a little summer cold, and being extremely fatigued from an endless 2 weeks at work, and I was just so beat down and my willpower was wrecked, blah blah blah. Anyway, I said to myself, I feel like I'm gonna buy a pack of cigarettes. I have to deal with this. So, I whipped up some more backbone and just made myself stop. I'm back on the eCig all the time again. I do find I am smoking the eCig a lot less too, sometimes at home I go all night without thinking about it. The real cigarette incidents were just that, incidents where I buckled in a stressful situation -- work has been a shitstorm, and I was working with a cold through it. It was always at work. However, overall, I pronounce quitting smoking basically handled.

I have struggled with some real emotional sabotage from myself. It's very defeating -- for example -- to get on the scale after you've worked out every day and followed your goals, and find you gained 3 lbs. That was a hard one, there were others. Like the night I totally caved and gave myself permission to eat a meal and half worth of food at midnight. The day after that, I actually said out loud to myself, "That's it, I failed, right? It's over?" And also when I went 4 days without doing any cardio or weight training whatsoever; after that little episode, I felt really like, ok this is it, I'm off the wagon, I know what's gonna happen, oh well it was a nice try. Oddly though, it's like I could actually really feel it coming over me like a pall or a filter, and each time I just said to myself, No, that is not gonna happen. I've taken those little failures and managed to channel the negative energy into motivation to do it right, and it's worked.

Of course, I wanted to just magically waste away to 175 lbs. and equally mysteriously somehow develop a big, bulked up chest and arms. But it doesn't work that way. Over the month, I've seen the direct effect of even a minimal fitness regimen. On the weeks where I have been consistent in my workouts I've also noticed decreased appetite in general, better sleep, and stable weight loss. Duh.

I have started to see some differences in my body. Nothing photo worthy yet, but in particular, I have noticed that my ass is getting cuter, which for me means bigger 'cause I have no ass. Apparently I have some now, and I'm going to have more. And I have noticed my arms starting to get some definition, and I can feel that my pecs and lats are building, although it's not very noticeable yet, it will be. So actually, I have no idea how much weight I might have for real, because I am definitely gaining muscle. My legs, in particular my thighs, are also starting to get really defined -- I already had ok legs, but they are starting to look really fit even to me.

I bought an elliptical and it turns out I love it. Who knew jogging stairs was what would work for me? I can jog 6 mph on it with the tension 2/3 of the way up for 15 min already, and I've only been using it 2 weeks. The curve was almost straight up, too. The first day I used it, I only made it two minutes and I had to do it one minute at a time. But I was up to 20 minutes within a couple days, first 20 min in 2 sessions at a moderate pace, and by this week I was up to the hard jog for 15 min after a 5 min warmup. I think I can take it up to 30 min pretty soon. For whatever reason, I took to the elliptical naturally. In fact, I know I can take it to 30 min because I've done 45 a couple days in multiple sessions, but I set my goal -- 20 minutes at this point, and I try to consider anything I so over goal to be gravy.

Same with my weight training. I'm sticking to my goals with the free weights, they have stayed the same the whole month which is fine with me. I'm still having a hard time finishing the reps in some of the sets, so I'm staying put until the sets are too easy. However, I do also do a little bit over goal every day, and a couple days I've tripled my sets, but again, I treat it like gravy. I was wicked sore the next day, and I don't want to make myself so sore I can't work out. Any activity at all is more than I was doing before.

So, overall, in spite of some setbacks, in fact possible because of them, I think I am on the road to resetting my physical lifestyle. I'm very proud of myself that I have managed to incorporate breakfast back into my diet -- I have drank a fresh fruit smoothie every single day but one, and that day I was groggy and cranky and I knew it was because I didn't make my smoothie. And it has helped me to feel hungry ealier in the day too, because instead of my body just being in starvation / fasting mode, I can actually tell my stomach is empty and I'm hungry. Weird that eating helps you control your eating, right? It's weird stuff, and even though the info is right there everywhere you look, it never clicked in my head before like this. I've never succeeded at this for a whole month before. Like, I feel like I really am making a sea change in my life. My personality of course is still mine, but I have felt like I am changing who I am.

At this point I am willing to say, not only will I look good in a tight t-shirt, I'm gonna have a hot body. It might take me a year, in fact I planned it to, but yeah. Hot body.