Ah, not weird after all

Bit of a lapse since I posted.

I've had a lapse in my fitness routine, too, but that seems to have ended in the last two weeks. At any rate, I'm back on the wagon. I've come to accept about myself that I have to do a thing every day or I won't do it long term. So, I've scaled back my workout but have been doing it every day. Overall, I am much happier with my results -- I feel better, I'm not overworking myself, and I find I have no problem fitting it into my day.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

So, I recently discovered something I was doing isn't weird after all. In fact, lots of people do it.

What's that you ask? Working out in my underwear (at home, of course.)

I find I prefer it for a spectrum of reasons. I don't get as hot, and I don't create laundry in the form of sweat-soaked clothes. It also helps me because I can actually see my body while I work out, and I find that it helps me make better food choices after I work out; I am often hungry within 15-30 of exercise, and being in nothing but a pair of lycra shorts really helps me make good nutritional choices. I'm not gonna wolf down 2 ham & cheese sandwiches while my body is right there in front of me.

Anyway, I was feeling kinda weird about it, like what if someone came over and found me lifting weights in my slutty man underwear? Is it weird? Do I just get a thrill from it? Then, I was reading one of my FB groups and someone asked on the page, "Do you guys work out in your underwear, or do you think that's weird?" Basically every person responded with some version of what I said above, yes because it helps me.

So what do you think? Anyone? Do you work out in your underwear? I know some of you have nice enough bodies that you can pretty much wear underwear to the gym, but I'm not there yet. I will be. I'm not sure I would be that guy in all spandex at the gym, but it would be nice to know I could.

Some backslide

Ug. Some backslide.

I'm having a really hard time getting to the gym right now. I've only been once this week, and I feel like I'm not going to go today.... I still might. This blog entry might help. Might.

My work has gone wild. We are getting crushed every day, it's so stressful and hectic -- hectic doesn't even cover it, it's mayhem -- and I am so tired that even though I have been getting 8+ hours of sleep most nights, I am still just drained and weak and have no willpower.

I have the feeling like I only have so much bandwidth, and my job (I wait tables at a super popular breakfast restaurant for those who don't know... maybe strangers read this...) has expanded across my bandwidth to the point that it is taking up my social time and my personal time. I worked 13 hours yesterday. I was up at 6:45 am, out of the house by 8, and I wasn't home til 11:30 pm -- I went out for ONE DRINK, which I only halfheartedly applied myself to drinking. We were at Chummies maybe 20 minutes and I was all, "Um, yeah, I gotta go home."

I went to the gym AFTER work on Tuesday. Yeah no. Trying to go after work.... hell no. I've got to go in the morning when I'm still fresh and have a lot of energy from sleeping. I managed to fight my way through my workout Tuesday night, but it was awful -- and I usually enjoy it, even if it's hard to do..... No. So, I've got to get back on the morning workout schedule. Somehow.

And........

SMOKING.

Also related to stress I'm sure. About a week ago, I bought a pack of cigarettes. And another. And another..... etc.

The last two days I have forced myself not to buy any and I am back on my eCig, but I've still bummed a few off people. And today I am really feeling the nicotine withdrawal. I'm not flipping out because there is still nicotine in the eCig, but I am ... yeah, I'm feeling it. I just caught myself looking through the trash can for cigarette butts. Not good.

I'll get all of this settled again. And I'm trying not to make excuses. But I feel like it's not completely an excuse, on either count. The stress level at work right now is so high I dream about it, after falling into my bed exhausted every night. I don't even go out any more.

One up side, I guess. I am dropping weight on the scale. Stress diet. I know it's not ideal, but at least it makes me feel like I am makign progress on ONE of my goals.

Measure progress without the scale

Here's a pretty great article on how to measure your progress without the scale.

Measure Progress Without the Scale, from Sparkpeople.com

I've lost 2 inches off my belly

Good news.

I just broke my own rule and measured my belly NOT on the 1st of the month. (I am trying to only take my measurements monthly.)

Anyway, I was very pleased to see that I have lost a total of 2 inches off my belly circumference. And that means I've lost 1 1/4" since I last measured myself 3 weeks ago and had lost 3/4 of an inch. Which means it coincides with the timeframe that I got the elliptical and started serious cardio every day.

That's almost double the fat loss from dieting alone. 

 I think that was the final piece of the puzzle. That's some real, empirical proof that it's working. Ya know? I was starting to doubt myself really bad, like.... is it all in my head? Have I just convinced myself that it's working so I don't have to feel bad about failing? But no. It really is working. That's fantastic.

So that's it. Either today or tomorrow I am going to go join the Y.

maybe it's time to join a gym

OK.

So my elliptical is broken.

The bolt that connects the left pedal to the fly wheel is stripped, so bad they couldn't re-fit it at the auto shop. Plus, it is a "left handed" specialty bolt that basically can only be replaced by the company that makes the elliptical. I tried the electric tape around the bolt head thing -- nope, it held for about 10 seconds and slam it was off again. Blah, blah, blah, I could go on and on about how I've spent almost all of my day except when I was at work either driving store to store trying to get it fixed, or at home trying to McGyver it.... it's broken, that's that.

So -- do I, a) buy another one so that one can break too in 3 weeks, or b) buy an even more expensive one and hope it doesn't break, c) buy a different cardio machine, or d) say f--k it and go join a gym?

I feel like I am on a precipice where my whole fitness and health goals are about to fall apart. When it happened this morning -- like 90 seconds into my workout -- I felt so discouraged that right at that moment I said, "Fine, I give up. WTF?? Is fate against me??" I finally find the motivation to put serious dedication into working out, like legitimate working out -- including spending a significant chunk of money on home workout equipment..... I mean, really???? I swear it feels like one of those "well that's just how my life always goes" moments, you know what I mean?

In addition to this, I have also gained weight. Gained. I'm doing my elliptical 5-6 days a week for 30 min a day and I gained weight. Around 4 lbs., which is minor, but still, that combined with my elliptical breaking and I was like, "Are you kidding me? Is this really happening?" I just had that feeling, that sinking feeling in my chest, like no matter what I do it fails. I've done this right, all of it, by the book and I've applied myself to the point that I don't feel right unless I get my workout in. Really? Me? Kyle the Fat Kid needs to work out to feel ok?

Demons begone, right?

So throughout the day at work as I was mulling over the situation.....

I realized that I was going to do something about it. I'm not going to give up.

I went to Wal-Mart after work and looked at cardio equipment. And as I was looking at them, considering just saying fuck it and buying either another elliptical or bike or something, I kept thinking to myself, I should just buck up and get over my thing about the gym and go join the Y. I did talk myself into walking over to the DIY section and getting some McGyver materials before I just bought another one, so I came home with electric tape, galvanized wire and bungee cords. (None of that worked.) However, even before my attempted solution failed, I still kept having that back burner conversation with myself about the gym.

I just have issues with the gym. I feel so uncomfortable working out in front of other people.

But, I also think I can get over that. I've found that since I quit smoking, I can work out a lot longer and a lot harder and since I have been also doing strength training I can lift more. I think I will be able to just focus on my workout and not be so worried that I look dumb or people are staring at me or whatever. I also think that having a variety of equipment and training options and a fully set up gymnasium at my disposal would be awesome.

Anyway.... I think that covers it. I'm gonna mull it over for another day or two.

lost 3/4 of an inch off my belly -- awesome!

For the last couple days I have been doing some research, trying to figure out why I'm not losing weight. Tomorrow I'll be six weeks in and my net loss is negligible. A pound or less, on any given day. It's discouraging, even though I've managed to transform that disappointment into motivation, it would be awesome to actually see a drop on the scale too.

Anyway, I've also noticed a few other things that I feel are all related to it.

First off, since I've started using the elliptical every day with a couple one day breaks, I find I am up to pee like 3 or 4 times in the night. I've always been a nighttime bathroom goer. But usually once or less, sometimes a second time during rehearsal for getting out of bed -- LOL -- you know that one, where you're awake and you feel like it's time to get out of bed for the day and then you come back from the bathroom and... zzzz. But the last couple weeks, I'm up to pee all night, ug. I know it's from the greatly increased water I'm drinking. And after looking at my nutrition log I am willing to admit maybe I could stand to cut my sodium a little. But I also believe it is related to water retention from changing my fitness routine, kicking it way up. The frequent peeing 100% coincided with it.

A scant minute of research on the Internet also reveals that not losing weight, or even gaining weight, during the first couple weeks of a new exercise regimen is totally normal, and temporary. Here's what I learned:

When you start exercising regularly, or change your workouts dramatically, your muscles start converting glucose (carbs) to glycogen, which is the real fuel your muscles burn. This causes water retention because it takes 3 water molecules for every 1 molecule of glycogen produced. DOMS (delayed onset muscle soreness) or the soreness you feel after exercising, also causes water retention in the muscles because DOMS is actually microscopic muscle tears from exertion (how muscle mass is actually increased) which are inflamed and slightly swollen, just the way a cut on your skin gets inflamed and swollen during healing. People may in fact not feel any soreness from exercise, but still be experiencing water retention from DOMS.

(NOTE: glycogen is also the nutrient that gets used during exercise, causing endorphin release, which is the cause of "runner's high.")

Here's what made me start digging deeper into the question, Why am I not losing weight?

This morning, I was looking at myself naked in the mirror and I had my hands around my belly and I noticed that it really seriously felt smaller and lighter in my hands. (Yes, I can pick up my fat.) I gave it the "shake test" and it was noticeably lighter. A little shocked -- I have been struggling to figure out why I am not losing weight, but my belly is noticeably smaller -- I give it the side-view exam in the mirror, and sure enough, Holy shit, it is smaller. So I sprint (all 3 steps) over to my desk, whip out my cloth tape measure and take my measurement around my belly. And there it is, proof on the tape measure: I've lost 3/4 of an inch around my belly.

So, in fact, I have lost "weight" -- I've lost fat, and a noticeable amount of it, off my worst trouble area -- my belly. It really helps me keep my motivation to have discovered this. I do still have that voice in the back of my head, like, "It's not working, you're gaining weight, just forget it." And to have solid, scientific proof that I am actually smaller than I was six weeks ago, kinda shuts that voice up nicely.

Plus, I can't give enough praise to the endorphin rush I get from working out, particularly from cardio.

A word about endorphins: according to Wikipedia, endorphins are, "... 'endogenous morphine,' or, a morphine-like substance originating from within the body." That feeling, like I'm superman, you just can't get it from everything, and now that I figured out I get it from jogging on my elliptical, I'm hooked. LOL -- I'm hooked on my own morphine.

Here's a couple articles on the matter:
I just started exercising to lose weight and I'm gaining
Why the Scale Goes Up When You Start a New Workout Plan

Runner's high?

Did I say I couldn't do the elliptical today? Yes, I believe right here I said I was too sore from yesterday.

Apparently not so, as I just ran 38 minutes on elliptical. I call it running because I get my speed up to 6 mph or higher which is considered a jogging pace. And it feels like running.

Anyway, here's what happened:

WARNING: there is a brief but mild TMI in this. You'll know it when you read it.

Having decided I was too sore for more than a cursory warm-up on the elliptical, I set to my new project: Seeing What I Want To Use The Core Ball For.

I did some hellish horizontal crunches which I'm sure I'll pay for in soreness tomorrow. A few others from the pdf I downloaded, none of which I liked, and then I did some of my free weight sets sitting at about 45 degrees back. I was still getting this feeling like I was still not satisfied with my workout, I didn't feel like I'd really done anything.

So, because I liked the feeling of them, and because I felt like I needed to work out more, I did another set of 50 of those scathing hard crunches, laying flat back on the ball. I had also done my baseline free weight sets already, prior to the core ball.

In the midst of all this, I took a 45 minute break and ate a garden burger with grilled onion, sauerkraut and extra sharp cheddar with mustard on organic sprouted-grain bread. Two of them in fact, because I knew I was hungry and it was already after 6 pm, and I am trying not to eat at all after 8, and there could still be time for a small snack in there somewhere.

At any rate, I said to myself, "I need to work out some more after I eat," figuring I would do some more sets with the core ball. I do like it, and as I am getting more comfortable with it, I am finding it more and more a useful tool.

I did try that. I did some backward extensions (which are wicked hard...) and a few more crunches, and was still not getting the sense of it being sufficient. So, I hauled myself up off the floor and said, "Fine, I'm gonna try to run again."

Got on the elliptical. Took me about 5 minutes to warm up all the way, then I got up to my 6 mph mark, and logged 31 more minutes. And after that, I felt that satisfaction I was after.

I find that about the 10 minute mark or so is when I start to feel really awesome while I am on the elliptical -- what I call running, or jogging, or jimbing (jog-climbing.) Once my heart rate gets to a certain point where I feel like my breathing is synchronized with it, I find I can run really smoothly and it feels effortless, and I have bursts where I run a lot faster and harder and those bursts of energy feel even better, like I really feel like superman. I said it in another post. I'm pretty sure it's "Runner's High," which is the endorphin  release you experience particularly during prolonged cardio. (Apparently "runners high" and endorphin-induced euphoria have evolutionary roots also.)

Anyway, I wasn't expecting it to actually feel good. Like, when I get that burst of energy, I really feel like I can do anything and I feel like, "Hell yeah!" I don't feel like I've worked out really until I get to that point. At least it didn't give me a boner this time; that's happened twice and I was kinda worried it would happen every time. (Googled that. Normal.) So, that is what I was missing, I wanted that endorphin bath. Now I get it, I understand what all those voices are talking about when they say working out "makes you feel good." The general good feeling afterward too is quite awesome.

Who knew.

Burning muscles does not count as warmed up LOL

Did I say I'd be sore today? Yep.

Not from two days ago, but from yesterday where I hit a new record for myself on the elliptical: 48 minutes.

Today, I only just barely made it through a five minute warm-up, which was only a warm-up because I was hot and dripping sweat by 90 seconds -- my muscles never warmed up, unless burning with every step counts. LOL I tried a take-two and only made it just over 2 minutes before I said, "Ok no, I can't do this today."

Still, I did get a little 7 minute cardio warm-up. I like to warm up my cardio a little even if I plan to focus on weight training.

I got an exercise ball at Goodwill, still in the original packaging. Turns out it's an awesome one. It's weighted so it returns to the same position and it's made of some neoprene super stuff. Googled it. Anyway, I get it now. I see what all the hype of the ball is. It really works your core, and it helps you with form and balance big time. It doesn't even really matter what you do, as long as you use the thing, it is working your abs and core. I've been sitting on it while I some of my free weight sets and I find that it is a lot harder to get through the sets because I am also working on staying centered on the ball.

So that's what I've accomplished today (other than working.) I don't feel satisfied yet. I will probably do some more free weight sets or maybe I'll try one of the recommended workouts I downloaded after I Googled the core ball. They look wicked hard.

I'm looking forward to working out today?? This one's a must read. LOL

Ok the weirdest thing happened last night.

I was on my elliptical, fighting my way through my warmup -- 5 min.

I find that the first 3 minutes is the hardest, it's when I start telling myself I'm going to get through my 20 min in 2 or even three sessions, or that I'm "just gonna take a break" after I get through the warmup. Then, just as 3 minutes is starting to loom on the timer, I break into the first sweat, my pulse goes heavy but even, and I realize, Oh, I'm gonna be just fine.

So, I'm jimbing (that's jog-climbing) away somewhere around 10 minutes, and I'm starting to feel the second wave of fatigue, and I think, Alright, I might take take a break at 15 min. And instead, what happened was I got to 14 minutes and thought, Fuck it, six more and I'll be at 20 min which is goal.

Then the weird thing happened.

This is my elliptical a Weslo G 3.1

I got to 20 minutes still going steady at 6 mph (which is a fast jog) with the resistance tension set at 6 out of 8. And I realized I felt really great, like superman in fact. And I said, "Fuck it. 10 more minutes." And I turned the resistance up to max, and kicked it up to a hard jog, 11 mph for 10 minutes, until the last 90 seconds warm down. And seriously, I felt like a million bucks. I've never enjoyed exercising before. Even remembering it while I write this, and I'm anxious to go get on the elliptical. Weird.

I'm not even sore today, which is fantastic. I might be tomorrow, I've had a 48 hour delay on that before. But it won't be bad, I don't think. The most muscular part of me is my legs anyway. But it's the weirdest thing to actually be -- right now -- looking forward to working out today. Weird. Weird. Weird. I like it.

30 Day Report

Wow, I haven't written in 2 1/2 weeks.

Well let's see. July 1st has come and gone, so my 30 day trial run is completed. Really more like 5 weeks. I knew it was going to take me a full month to get a real sense of how I was going to make it work. And a couple times I have really felt like it was another false start, but instead I seem to have made it work.

I only lost 1 pound. However, in the course of the month I actually gained 5 lbs. over my starting weight, so I actually lost 6 lbs. but only a net loss of 1.

Smoking cigarettes: still quit and over the first serious almost-relapse, which I am pretty happy about. I've smoked a few real cigarettes (versus my eCig) over the month but each time it has tasted and felt disgusting to me and even though I smoked the whole thing, it reminded me how glad I was that I didn't smoke any more. I had one evening with friends and a few too many drinks where I had an evening long relapse. And after that, I think 3 days in a row, I smoked one real cigarette a day. This coincided with me having a little summer cold, and being extremely fatigued from an endless 2 weeks at work, and I was just so beat down and my willpower was wrecked, blah blah blah. Anyway, I said to myself, I feel like I'm gonna buy a pack of cigarettes. I have to deal with this. So, I whipped up some more backbone and just made myself stop. I'm back on the eCig all the time again. I do find I am smoking the eCig a lot less too, sometimes at home I go all night without thinking about it. The real cigarette incidents were just that, incidents where I buckled in a stressful situation -- work has been a shitstorm, and I was working with a cold through it. It was always at work. However, overall, I pronounce quitting smoking basically handled.

I have struggled with some real emotional sabotage from myself. It's very defeating -- for example -- to get on the scale after you've worked out every day and followed your goals, and find you gained 3 lbs. That was a hard one, there were others. Like the night I totally caved and gave myself permission to eat a meal and half worth of food at midnight. The day after that, I actually said out loud to myself, "That's it, I failed, right? It's over?" And also when I went 4 days without doing any cardio or weight training whatsoever; after that little episode, I felt really like, ok this is it, I'm off the wagon, I know what's gonna happen, oh well it was a nice try. Oddly though, it's like I could actually really feel it coming over me like a pall or a filter, and each time I just said to myself, No, that is not gonna happen. I've taken those little failures and managed to channel the negative energy into motivation to do it right, and it's worked.

Of course, I wanted to just magically waste away to 175 lbs. and equally mysteriously somehow develop a big, bulked up chest and arms. But it doesn't work that way. Over the month, I've seen the direct effect of even a minimal fitness regimen. On the weeks where I have been consistent in my workouts I've also noticed decreased appetite in general, better sleep, and stable weight loss. Duh.

I have started to see some differences in my body. Nothing photo worthy yet, but in particular, I have noticed that my ass is getting cuter, which for me means bigger 'cause I have no ass. Apparently I have some now, and I'm going to have more. And I have noticed my arms starting to get some definition, and I can feel that my pecs and lats are building, although it's not very noticeable yet, it will be. So actually, I have no idea how much weight I might have for real, because I am definitely gaining muscle. My legs, in particular my thighs, are also starting to get really defined -- I already had ok legs, but they are starting to look really fit even to me.

I bought an elliptical and it turns out I love it. Who knew jogging stairs was what would work for me? I can jog 6 mph on it with the tension 2/3 of the way up for 15 min already, and I've only been using it 2 weeks. The curve was almost straight up, too. The first day I used it, I only made it two minutes and I had to do it one minute at a time. But I was up to 20 minutes within a couple days, first 20 min in 2 sessions at a moderate pace, and by this week I was up to the hard jog for 15 min after a 5 min warmup. I think I can take it up to 30 min pretty soon. For whatever reason, I took to the elliptical naturally. In fact, I know I can take it to 30 min because I've done 45 a couple days in multiple sessions, but I set my goal -- 20 minutes at this point, and I try to consider anything I so over goal to be gravy.

Same with my weight training. I'm sticking to my goals with the free weights, they have stayed the same the whole month which is fine with me. I'm still having a hard time finishing the reps in some of the sets, so I'm staying put until the sets are too easy. However, I do also do a little bit over goal every day, and a couple days I've tripled my sets, but again, I treat it like gravy. I was wicked sore the next day, and I don't want to make myself so sore I can't work out. Any activity at all is more than I was doing before.

So, overall, in spite of some setbacks, in fact possible because of them, I think I am on the road to resetting my physical lifestyle. I'm very proud of myself that I have managed to incorporate breakfast back into my diet -- I have drank a fresh fruit smoothie every single day but one, and that day I was groggy and cranky and I knew it was because I didn't make my smoothie. And it has helped me to feel hungry ealier in the day too, because instead of my body just being in starvation / fasting mode, I can actually tell my stomach is empty and I'm hungry. Weird that eating helps you control your eating, right? It's weird stuff, and even though the info is right there everywhere you look, it never clicked in my head before like this. I've never succeeded at this for a whole month before. Like, I feel like I really am making a sea change in my life. My personality of course is still mine, but I have felt like I am changing who I am.

At this point I am willing to say, not only will I look good in a tight t-shirt, I'm gonna have a hot body. It might take me a year, in fact I planned it to, but yeah. Hot body.

the "four digit meal"

1055 calorie lunch. (805 without the 20 oz. Coke.)

I don't care, I only like Coke Classic, I'll (literally) eat the 250 calories. I don't drink soda. I don't drink it at work, I don't order it out, and I buy Diet Ginger Ale for a mixer at home, which is all I use it for, and if I drink a cocktail out, I have soda water or... um, ice cubes. Once or twice a month maybe, I have a Coke with my lunch.

I am also trying to keep to my rule of getting most of my daily calories from fat, protein and carbs in the first half of the day, and focus on my calories from fiber in the second half. So, really my thousand calorie lunch is in keeping with the plan. I was shocked when I put it in my tracker and saw it, a "four-digit meal."

You get up, you get back on the horse

OK, so of course I had to go and brag about how I'd gotten my night eating under control. Then last night (including alcohol) I ate 3161 calories after midnight and then went and passed out. Woke up 6 lbs. heavier this morning. 6 pounds.

I know I didn't actually gain 6 real pounds, it's water retention and a couple pounds of food still going through my GI tract, but I can pretty much guarantee tomorrow I'll see the actual net gain from it, which will probably be a pound or even two.

I've had an interesting week. From the combination of tracking my calories / eating and holding to my no night eating rule I observed something amazing: as long as I didn't eat at night, like no later than 7 or 8 pm, I lost weight every day. It almost didn't matter what I ate during the day within reason, as long as I didn't eat too late into the evening, I was consistently dropping .5 to 1 lb. a day.

I also observed that on the days I "did it right" and ate the most of my calories, protein, carbs and fat early in the day, and focused on high fiber and complex carbs later in the day, it was much easier to control the urge to eat at night, and easier to make the right choices if I did eat anything. It made it sink in a little more the actual importance of eating when you're "dieting" -- it's not a "diet" if it doesn't include food. Starving yourself by skipping meals or excessive fasting, coupled with infrequent huge meals (usually two a day, right?) makes your body go into a low-level shock because your hypothalamus starts sending out survival signals to your body, triggering fat-generation mode. It really is really bad, a total "diet" killer. Your body is capable of converting almost any nutrient into fat to store the nutrition. Eating more frequently, and eating most of your protein, carbs and fat early in the day keeps your body fed and lets your metabolism work right.

I had an object lesson this week in how well it can work, and how ugly it can be when you fall off the wagon. 6 pounds worth of a lesson. I was horrified when I got on the scale this morning.

I have stayed on track with my fitness goals though. Interestingly even on the days I went a little retrograde in terms of my nutritional plan, I still got my cardio and weight training done. I have done one or the other every day, and both every day about 2 out of 3, not bad. My pecs and my deltoid and tricep are the ones that hurt. I have a pretty decent bicep, always have, although it has been way better before. And you really have to tighten up your tricep or you can't really see the bicep definition, and the tricep is where you get the grandma wing. I'm starting to see and feel a positive difference in my upper body, both in strength and in muscle shape, and it's very encouraging. It makes me actually like the burn. "That pain you feel today is the strength you will feel tomorrow."

Anyway, it's been a mixed bag this past week or thereabouts. Overall, I had a great week, stayed on my nutritional goals, got my fitness goals in every day, but then I really crashed & burned yesterday. It was not even a backslide, it was a total reversion. I didn't eat all day, then at about 4 pm, I ordered way too much food out after work, then starved myself again for almost 8 hours and ended up eating directly out of the refrigerator at 12:30.

I choose to take it as a lesson. I try to focus on the successes, and there were plenty, particularly in getting to the top of the curve on understanding and internalizing it all. Every failure I've experienced so far has served to reinforce why I need to do this. For some reason, I've been able to see why each failure has happened and what the consequences were, and channel my disappointment into motivation to do it right. It's working, but every time I have a bad day I really have to work through it with myself and keep reminding myself it's just a setback, not the end of the plan. You get up, you get back on the horse.

nice progress

On the ride home from my cousin's house tonight, I caught myself thinking about my treadmill, like excitedly. I was actually looking forward to coming home and torturing myself. I've been doing a combination walk / jog and I find that each day it is easier to jog a little more.

I'm still sorting this out in my head, but I think something happened. I think my near-failure with the 3-day total backslide actually motivated me to get back on. I think the reason is also partly because for some reason, this time for the first time ever, my exercises actually make me feel energized and happy afterward. Finally, some positive reinforcement for working out, instead of just pain and exhaustion. Something's different this time, and I don't really care what it is, but I like it.

That's never happened before. I have easily, happily, given up on my diet and exercise plans -- ever. And I've never had an exercise plan before, not really. But for some reason, this time, my failure to stay on my own plan really pissed me off, and I said, F- this, I'm going to f-ing do this.

And ever since then, I've had some really awesome successes too. I have successfully controlled my night binge eating every night so far. I have eaten at night, I have to because of my work schedule, but I've eaten what I planned to eat, not more, and if I was still hungry I drank a glass of water and waited 10 minutes.

That's another one. I have tried to keep this rule: every time I feel hungry, I will drink a glass of water and wait ten minutes. I had a really good one today. I got home from my cousin's and I knew I was hungry and still needed dinner -- i.e., I had already given myself permission to eat. And, as I was ripping into the fridge, yanking ingredients out like Christmas decorations, I was just about to graze on a mouthful of grated cheddar and I said, No, just because you are legitimately hungry and plan to make a meal, you still have to do it. And, I drank a glass of water and waited. And afterward I was also able to choose a different meal that was better for me, and I didn't feel deprived. Sweet.

Recipe -- Homemade Veggie Burger Mix

Homemade Veggie Burger Mix (vegan)

Yummy homemade veggie burger mix that is hyper-packed with vitamins, can also be used as "ground" or rolled into sausage, etc. A great meat substitute. Very low calorie, low fat, no cholesterol, and high in potassium and protein.

Minutes to Prepare: 30

Minutes to Cook: 90

Number of Servings: 40, this makes a huge batch. Nutritional information based on an 8 oz. serving. Recipe can easily be cut in half or less for smaller batches.

Ingredients

Split Peas, 2.5 cup

Lentils, 2.5 cup

Barley, Quaker Quick, 1 cup

Brown Rice, long grain, 1 cup

Steel Cut Oats, dry, 3 cup

Oat Bran, .5 cup (remove)

Pumpkin Seeds, 2 cup

Beans, black, 1.5 cup

Black Olives, 10 jumbo

Mushrooms, fresh, 2 cup, pieces or slices

Scallions, raw, 1 cup, chopped

Garlic, 3 cloves

Baby Spinach (raw), 2 cup

Carrots, raw, .5 cup, chopped

Hot Pepper Sauce, 10 tsp

Curry powder, 5 tbsp

Chili powder, 1 tbsp

Basil, 2 tbsp

Paprika, 10 tbsp

Salt, 2 tbsp

Sweet peppers (bell), 1 cup, chopped

Directions

Quick-cook the split peas and lentils, and any other beans that are dry, in advance of adding other ingredients, with 5 tsp hot sauce, the salt, chili powder and curry powder. Allow beans to cook for 45-60 minutes, then add barley, rice, oat bran, and 2 cups of the oats. Cook an additional 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally and adding water as needed. Mixture will be thick and sticky, be careful not to burn the bottom. It should have enough water to still bubble up water to the top and sides. While the beans are cooking, chop and roast the peppers and pumpkin seeds together, turning occasionally, no more than 90 minutes, approx. 300 degrees. When the bean mixture is cooked to just beyond al dente consistency, remove from heat and allow to cool. Combine the remaining ingredients in food processor and pulse down to a grainy paste, this will take multiple batches. Combine all ingredients together and mix well. Stir in the last 1 cup of dry oats at the end to help the mixture stiffen enough to form patties. Allow to stand until cool all the way through, then refrigerate overnight. Form patties, balls, crumble or any other way, wrap individually in plastic wrap, then package and freeze. 

Also find this recipe here at SparkRecipes.com : Homemade Veggie Burger Mix (vegan)

Lean meat protein returns

Interesting.

Well, I ate a beef burger yesterday at work. Here's why:

On Day 8, the first day of being off my vegan fast, I was really excited to be able to eat some cheese. So, I had a veggie burger with cheddar. And a side of mayo to dip my fries in. I know, I know, we'll talk about that later.

I was so disappointed, I almost tossed the whole thing in the trash can.

I don't know what I thought a slice of cheese was gonna do for me. I guess I thought it was going to transform my veggie burger into a Big Mac or something. No such luck, it was still a veggie burger. And I mistakenly told myself, It's because I wanted it to be a beef burger.

So, yesterday, 3 days later, I finally said, Screw it, I'm having a burger. It's a big flex, but whatever.

Again, I was so disappointed I almost dumped it in the bus tub. And, the taste of the meat actually repelled me a little. Not to mention also that in an 8oz. lean ground beef patty (like ours at work, which are 85/15 Angus beef -- good, lean beef) there are still 700 calories. Yes, 700. But, really I don't care about that as much as how disappointed I still was, just as disappointed as I was by the veggie burger.

So it forced me to think about it. Why? Why so despondent after my favorite splurge meal: a burger and fries?

I've realized now, today what it was. The vegan fast followed by remaining primarily vegetarian has caused me to eat so differently, and to enjoy such different foods, that chomping down a burger was just that, slurping down some high carb, high fat, work-crash food. There isn't much taste variety, not a lot texture, and the "flavor" really comes from the salt I shook all over it.

I think if I am going to "flex" again, it will be for fish or chicken. I do feel that I need some lean meat protein in my diet. The one positive I have experienced from eating that burger yesterday is that I did feel a lot more satisfied with my overall food yesterday, fuller, more satisfied, and I was able to control my night eating better. And I know it is from the added fat and protein I got from the beef. I just didn't like the taste, and ground beef of course is not exactly the best nutritional choice.

I am going to make a rule I think, that lean meat protein -- fish, chicken or turkey, is allowed in my diet no more than one serving a day. For the last two weeks I have struggled to get my protein values fulfilled, and it has caused me to go over on my carbs and calories a few times trying. Whereas... yesterday with 8 oz. of beef, I hit my protein goals for the day easily, over in fact, but not too bad. I am not only trying to lose weight. Muscle mass is part of my plan -- nice chest = nice pecs, which really means strength training, and protein is critical for that.

So, yes, some lean meat protein is going to come back into my diet.

Bread is bread, even tortillas

Tortillas are a better dietary choice than whole grain bread, right?

I think it is a terrible dietary urban legend that tortillas are better for you, particularly spinach tortillas. Wraps are trendy, that's all. The truth is, bread is bread pretty much, and both flour and spinach tortillas are actually made of processed wheat flour (i.e.: they are white bread in disguise) and corn tortillas are pretty much out too as all corn is suspect at the moment because of GMOs.

FYI: you can get certified Non-GMO corn tortillas and other Mexican food from Que Pasa and from Kettle Chips.

Do a side by side comparison of the nutritional information for any two whole grain breads, including whole wheat tortillas, and you will find that they are virtually identical both in calories and nutritional values. The differences are minimal and favor both alternately, so it is really only a matter of your personal nutritional priorities. I'll use an example:

Whole Wheat Bread vs. Whole Wheat Tortilla

2 Slices Bread, 1 Large Tortilla

Note: the nutritional info for the wheat bread in the picture is for 1 slice, so I am doubling it for the example because I am comparing the amount of bread in a sandwich vs. a wrap, which would have 2 slices of bread.

Let's just make a list of pros for each:

Calories: Tortilla wins, but only by 14 calories, negligible. 

Fat: Bread, by 1 gram overall, plus has no saturated fat.

Sodium: tie, only a 4 mg difference, although technically Bread wins.

Potassium: big win for Bread with 102 mg vs. 0 for the tortilla.

Carbs: Tortilla wins with 4 grams less. Again, kinda negligible.

Dietary Fiber: Tortilla wins with 1 g more.

Sugar: tie, with 2 g each.

Protein: Bread wins, with a 2 g advantage.

TOTAL: 5 / 5, tie.

So really, bread is bread. We all know not to eat white bread, so as long as you stick to whole wheat or whole grain products, it's all the same stuff. 

What about spinach tortillas or other veggie tortillas?

Nope, sorry, those trendy spinach tortillas that restaurants love because they look so nice on the plate are more than double the calories, carbs, sodium and saturated fat as two slices of white bread. Most "vegetable" tortillas (spinach, pepper, basil, paprika, etc.) only contain the ground vegetable powder for taste and coloration, which spikes their sodium content, too. Sadly, they aren't better for you, it's just a marketing scheme. They are actually worse for you than white bread or a white flour tortilla.

But aren't corn tortillas the way to go?

Yes, but not since 2012. Right now -- no -- unless you take the steps to get Non-GMO corn products, which is possible.

It's really too bad about corn right now. Within the top results from a Google search for, "are tortilla's better than bread," you will be continually reminded that corn flour does in fact count as a whole grain. Corn tortillas are much lower calorie, low fat, no cholesterol, low carb, and have a little bit of fiber and protein. Unfortunately, as I said above, basically all corn products since 2012 are suspect, even farm stand corn because Monsanto also sold GMO sweet corn seed to local producers on a global scale, particularly in the Ukraine. Note, many American corn producers are finding that GMO seeds often fail, so hopefully between the GMO labeling push in the US and natural crop failures, GMO vegetables will go away. Soon. Until then, I'm avoiding as much corn product as possible. 

OMG! Success

For the first time I remember, I actually won over the raid the fridge urge.

I could feel it coming. Earlier, I had put away all food that was in sight, everything in the fridge or a cupboard because I saw the bread sitting out and immediately started planning a sandwich. And I was all, no, that is not happening. I ate enough today, we're done, the kitchen is closed.

Then it came back later, just a few minutes ago, with a vengeance. I'm a little drunk, and I was well on my way to yanking out half the fridge and going to town. I usually eat as much while I'm making what I planned as the thing itself. I had already cleared counter space.

And I said to myself, NO, dammit. You cannot fail at this.

So I ate like 5 or 6 spoonfuls of fat free cottage cheese and made myself put it away. And drank a glass of water.

And.....

By the time I did all of that, the ... crazy I'm gonna eat everything right now had faded quite a bit. And here's the amazing part: I looked in the fridge, surveying for a good opening foray, and even though my fridge is full of tons of binge-worthy foods, none of it looked good to me. And I realized, Oh my god, I did it, I didn't eat. I'm not hungry, it was just... whatever it is. Then I wrote this blog entry.

New Challenge: the 10% Challenge

Well, let's talk about my overall goals.

My current weight and BMI: 230 lbs. / 31.2 BMI

My goal weight and BMI are: 175 lbs. / 23.7 BMI

That works out to a loss of 55 lbs., or 24% of my body weight and a 7.5 point reduction of my BMI, also a 24% reduction in my BMI.

I'd like to accomplish this overall goal in a year. That's a little more than a pound a week, which is a 500 calorie a day deficit.

That means every 0.55 lb. is 1%, which seems pretty manageable.

So, I think I am going to challenge myself to get 10% to goal. So that would be 5.5 lbs., which on my baseline plan, I should be achieving by Sunday, July 14th.

I think I'll see if I can get there a week early by July 7th.

So I need to lose 5.5 lbs in 27 days, which is 0.2 lbs a day or just under a pound and a half a week.   I would like to weigh in at 224.5 or less by then.

Huge, Ugly Backslide

I've had a pretty serious backslide. Since my Vegan Fast challenge was over, I've pretty much gone off the wagon. I've remained vegetarian, but my eating patterns have gone back to how they were, and I've stopped exercising again.

I didn't really "lose" any weight, either, although I am below my top weigh-in weight. My weight has fluctuated by about 7 lbs. since June 1st. I dropped down as low as 226 and back up as high as 233. My weigh-in this morning was 230.8, so did I "lose" 2 lbs. since June 1st? Sure. But tomorrow I could be just as likely to get on the scale and see I'm at 235.

Since I've become conscious of the fact that "Night Eating Syndrome (NES)" is an actual, real thing, I've also been seeing my own behavior more critically. Reading the symptoms, it was just such a wake-up, it was a description of my exact eating pattern. (Note: it was the same exact Oh My God Moment I had when I read the "Top 10 Signs You Are Experiencing Domestic Violence" pamphlet the sheriffs left me after they arrested my ex, and I was like, "Oh my god, really? Every one?) Like, knowing that it actually is something means I can begin working out how to deal with it.

Last night I had a major NES experience. It was after 11pm, I hadn't eaten much all day. I was starting to feel hungry. And I said to myself, I'm not gonna pig out. But I knew I was going to eat something, so I told myself, it's ok to eat something. So I had a medium sized bowl of my homemade vegan chili, which is also very low calorie and fat and high fiber, etc. It's only about 250 calories. Then, that uncontrollable urge to eat started to come over me, and I could feel it and I tried to tell myself, It's happening, you know it's happening, just make it stop, ignore it, whatever. I totally failed. Within the space of 90 minutes -- right before I went to bed, too -- I ate not only that bowl of chili, but three, yes 3, cheese sandwiches (12 grain bread, extra sharp cheddar, mayo.) I wasn't even hungry any more after the chili, I could feel that my belly was full, and I still ate all three of those sandwiches. Oh yeah and about a cup of fat-free cottage cheese. (Added later. Just remembered that.)

I didn't realize it at the time of course, but thinking about it this morning I realized that a major portion of these extreme overeating nights happen on days I don't eat enough during the day. Duh, right? But what I mean is these episodes have a metabolic element to them that I never made the two-plus-two with before. Even though my stomach is full from the first meal, for example a bowl of chili, my body is still suffering a major caloric / nutritional deficit for the day so my eating impulse is still turned on full. So not only am I struggling with a lifelong pattern of "comfort snacking" at night, but I am also experiencing a legitimate biological imperative -- your body knows it is starving so it wants to eat.

Note, I also drank yesterday. I had one cocktail (vodka, soda water, and lime) at Pat's Pizza with Kim, then two more at Lysa's, and then I drank 3 glasses of wine at home. I know the alcohol is a major contributor, both to my empty calories and to lowered willpower when it comes to controlling my eating / making the right dietary choices.

Without the alcohol, I was only at about 1700 calories yesterday, which isn't a dramatic caloric deficit, but it is for my body which is still accustomed to taking in upwards of 3000 a day. Including the alcohol and the late night binge eating, I took in 4364 calories, more than double my caloric goal range, I also more than doubled my carb goal and nearly doubled my fat. The only thing that was in line was my protein, which is probably negated by the alcohol -- alcohol consumption in particular hampers your body's ability to process protein, and converts it to fat instead. The food alone that I ate after 11pm was a 1900 calorie binge, which is near the top of my caloric goal for the entire day. No surprise I woke up this morning and had gained about 1 lb. (0.7 lbs.) My caloric intake yesterday was somewhere around 2500 calories over my break-even which is just about 3/4 of a pound of body fat.

A few things are clear to me.

• I need to roll back my drinking again
• I am going to just be honest about it, that I am not interested in not drinking. I like to have a cocktail or a beer after work a couple days a week and I enjoy my "happy hour" visits with Lysa, and once in a while you just need to tie one on.
• However, I think I can revive my old rule, no drinking at home.
• I need to eat more, earlier in the day, and eat more frequently throughout the day
• I need to get more of my calories and nutrition throughout the day so my body does not go into starvation mode and start sabotaging me from the inside by making my eating impulse go into overdrive.
• This can be a problem at work because often it is too busy to order a meal, or I only have the opportunity to eat one meal either at the very beginning or the very end of my shift. I may have to start bringing food that is ready to eat.
• I need to exercise every day
• I can't take a day off. A day off for me is really just me saying, "OK, that was enough of that." It's my subconscious sabotage. I know I can't do strength training every day, but I've got to include some kind of cardio or strength training or both into every day.
• I think to accomplish this, I need to start viewing exercise the same way I view my caloric intake -- there has to be a certain baseline I achieve every day.
• Because I am not going to exclude alcohol from my diet, exercise becomes even more important for compensating for the empty caloric intake and the dampening effect on your metabolism.
• More on this later

When I woke up this morning, I felt very discouraged and disappointed with myself. Since I've been processing what happened, and applying some critical thinking, as well as some brutal honesty to it, I am feeling more like I can get back on track. It's a setback, not the end of the project. It's not a "project" it's my life. Wasn't it Rocky Balboa who said something like, "It's not how hard you can hit that matters, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." (Thanks Lysa for the quote.)

Day 6 and 7

Day 6. All of that, all good.

Day 7........

I want a f***ing omelette SO bad it's almost funny. Last day of the vegan fast....

UG. Being vegan is hard.

Like..... I had no problem staying on the diet, but I did feel deprived. Like, poor vegans. They're missing out. On cheese. And eggs. And Yogurt. Those are my 3.

Weighed in this AM at 228.8, so... what? I "gained" less than half a pound. Overall it means I dropped 5 lbs. in 7 days. No surprise, as I've been shitting like 8 times a day. Thank you fiber. However -- EXACTLY the point of the 7-day vegan fast.

Um, and being vegan is HARD. I'd think of or see some food that is "vegetarian" (ova-lacto) and be like, "Um, I want that. Mmmmm." And then, "Oh, f**k. It's not vegan." And then it was instantly off-limits, but I still was all, Damn. Thank God I'm not actually vegan.

OK, so the real, true, vegan report:

2 actual non-vegan slips: I ate some sherbet. Probably a cup. Ish. And at work I have put a splash of milk in my coffee a couple times a day, like a tablespoon or less. Not too bad.

Hm.

So. The real challenge is coming up. Re-incorporating dairy into my diet without going over on my fat intake........

Day 5 (yesterday)

Yesterday was Day 5.

No smoking, check.
Vegan diet, check.

I did not do any exercise yesterday. My whole body was sore, I figured I needed a day off.

I am starting to have a hard time with the vegan fast. No staying on the diet, I just really, really want some dairy. I'm having a hard time getting enough protein, which you get quite a bit of from cheese and yogurt. LOL -- I have one of those mixed veggie & cheddar "steamers" in the freezer and every time I open the door, I think, God, I want that.

Saturday. Saturday, I will go back to ova-lacto. And I'm gonna eat an egg. Mmmm.

Hormones and weight loss - eat more to lose more?

I've been reading about hormones and how they effect weight loss. Two hormones in particular are critical to eating, or over-eating: Ghrelin, and Leptin.

Ghrelin is a hormone produced by your stomach lining that triggers hunger, tells you to eat.
Leptin is a hormone produced by fat cells that signals satiety, or tells you to stop eating.

Here is an excellent article that covers these hormones and their role in weight loss in plain language.

Ghrelin is a very critical hormone, with receptors throughout your body, and is related not only to eating impulse, but also to learning and cognitive adaptation and helps to regulate neurons in your hippocampus. It is also an important factor in the production and regulation of the human growth hormone.

Leptin, from the Greek, Leptos, which means "thin," is an important horomone which not only tells us we are full after a meal, but helps to support your circulatory system, lungs, and bone health. Obese people often have developed a resistance to Leptin, which is believed to be induced by high-fructose interaction (a.k.a.: eating a lot of sugar,) meaning that people who are already overweight really, hormonally have a dampened / suppressed "fullness signal."

So how do these hormones effect weight loss? Other than by the obvious, turning on and off our eating urge?

Well, put simply, "dieting" really doesn't work, not in the traditional sense. Over-restricting your caloric intake unbalances Ghrelin and Leptin in your body and causes your body to go into fat storage mode. The goal is to keep your Ghrelin (eat) low and your Leptin (stop eating) high, but to do that you have to eat. This seems counter-intuitive, again. All weight loss plans involve calorie restriction.

In order to keep your hormonal balance, you need to reduce caloric intake but increase the volume and the frequency of meals. Again, sounds counter-intuitive, right? Eat more? Well, yes. Eat whole foods that are low-fat and high fiber. Fiber is a critical nutrient in feeling satisfied after a meal. Dietary fiber has so many health benefits it is worth a whole blog entry of it's own. Dietary fiber naturally reduces cholesterol, and delays the absorption of glucose  (sugar) which keeps your blood sugar more stable, thus allowing Leptin to work better and tell your body to stop eating. The real, metabolic reason fiber makes you feel fuller is because you are fuller -- dietary fiber has no calories, but it increases food volume. There you have it: reduce caloric intake but increase the volume and the frequency of meals.

Here is a list of high-fiber foods from the Mayo Clinic.

So, that's the big secret. Eat more and you can lose weight better, you just need to follow a couple simple rules. Higher food volume, lower caloric value.

Night Eating Syndrome?

So, I've always had a problem with late night eating. I've always considered it a bad habit. Turns out it might be more than just a habit, it could actually be related to hormone levels, and it is also a syndrome that has scholarly research backing it.

Turns out NES (Night Eating Syndrome) was actually defined as a legitimate psychological syndrome in 1955, but little research was ever done until the 1990's. As of this time, it is being proposed for inclusion in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders.

Reading the description of the syndrome is like reading about myself. Basically, every bullet point is right on track with my own behaviors:

People who suffer from Night Eating Syndrome generally:

• Skip breakfast, and go several hours after waking before their first meal.

• Consume at least 25% of their calories after dinner.

• Late-night binges almost always consist of consuming carbohydrates. (Carbohydrates tend to shoot messages to the brain to produce serotonin, which induces sleep.) However, this eating is typically spread over several hours, which is not consistent with a typical eating binge as evidenced by other eating disorders. Episodes of late-night binge-eating can be repeated throughout the night, with many separate visits to the fridge or cupboard.

• Suffer from depression or anxiety, often in connection with their eating habits.

• Affect and arousal decrease throughout the day with the lowest levels being in the middle of night-eating episodes.

• These night eating episodes typically bring guilt rather than hedonistic enjoyment.

• Have trouble sleeping in general.

• Are more likely than the general public to sleepwalk.

I don't sleep walk, as far as I know, but otherwise, that is exactly me. The one that really snapped my attention was the skipping breakfast thing. I know that is a very common dieting no-no and a lot of people do it, but I always have. I've always known that I was skipping breakfast because I wasn't really hungry -- I am still satisfied in the morning from my late night eating. But I've always rationalized it away by saying, "Well, you know caffeine is a major appetite suppressant." Um, yeah. People drink coffee and still manage to eat breakfast.

Also, I have often said that I "binge eat." I don't binge eat in the typical way, but I find very often that my evening "snack" really (at least calorie-wise) becomes the equivalent of another whole meal, or even two whole meals. I can easily consume 1000 calories before bedtime, and almost always it is through, "many separate visits to the fridge." Even though that is not typical binge eating behavior, I have always felt that is what it is, and I have struggled with it because I truly feel sometimes that I can't control it. 

The real problem for me is that the situation is counter-intuitive. For example, when I was doing Weight Watchers, I would save a lot of my "points" for night time, so I could still get my late night satisfaction and not go over my points allotment for the day. This always let me to being hungry during the day though, or eating food that wasn't what I really wanted like an all-veggie salad with no dressing as my main meal of the day. Sure, it's low-points (on WW) but it also wasn't satisfying me, nor was it delivering the protein and carbs that I needed to get through my day, which in turn caused me to load up on bread, cheese, crackers, dips, etc -- all those high carb comfort foods that we all love -- at night. Sure, I technically stayed on my "diet" but not really. What I was (am) really doing is justifying and accommodating my binge eating. When I eat more during the day, I really am able to better control the late night eating. It's just a matter of doing it. Those old, conditioned behaviors are hard to get on top of. 

Above, I have linked to Wikipedia.

Here is the actual scholarly research: International Journal of Obesity

And here is a related study about NES being related to Depression, Weight Gain, Low Self Esteem, and Sleep Disorders: From the Wiley Online Library

5 Foods To Never Eat

Very good presentation about 5 foods that we are told all the time are healthy for us, that really aren't.

Note, it is a commercial for a paid service, and it is a little long, but it really is a GREAT presentation.

5 Foods To Never Eat

Moving down the scale

Woot! Weighed in this morning at 228.4, which means I dropped 4.6 lbs.

I didn't eat very much yesterday, and the vegan fast was really having the desired effect. I had to poop like 6 or 7 times yesterday. Desired effect being to clean out my GI tract.

~~~~~~~~~~~ TMI WARNING, I TALK ABOUT MY POOP ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




I always examine my feces. I know that sounds gross. I don't take it out of the toilet and look it over or anything, but I always examine what is there before I flush. Anyway, today I noticed there was a very distinct piece of meat gristle or something of that nature in there.

I was pretty pleased to see it, and it instantly made me remember the day not too long ago that I was in so much pain from what I first assumed was just gas, that it truly felt like what I imagine period cramps are like. It had me doubled over, gasping in pain a couple times. Girls can say what they want about how boys will never understand it, blah blah blah, but I don't see them doubled over clutching their middle. It was serious pain. Anyway, obviously it was not just gas, it was some kind of blockage in there. When it passed finally, it did so with a lot of gas, too. But seeing that chunk of gristle today instantly brought that day to mind, like, Huh, I betcha anything that had something to do with it.

Day 4

Day 4 has been really good.
Vegan diet, check.
No smoking, check.

I actually got up early and jogged a mile this morning. Yes, you heard me.

And I don't feel awful, in fact I felt happy and energized all day, I didn't even eSmoke as much. Also didn't drink as much coffee. Amazing. I thought I would be sore from exercise, not too bad actually. My pecs and lats are tender but not sore. What hurts like a bitch is the muscles in the front of my upper leg, above the knee-- those ones, from doing squats and lunges yesterday. Jesus.

Weighed in at 233.0, so I lost .4 lb., which is close enough to call it a half pound. Phew.

Managed 12 pushups, 15 sit ups, and did 15 min cardio jogging this morning.

I'm starting to get the gross, thick, nasty stuff up out of my lungs from not smoking. Today I felt like I'd smoked a pack of cigarettes yesterday. It's good, but icky. Pretty soon I'll start to get the throat stuff, where my voice cracks like I'm 11, but that is the really good stuff, means your vocal cords are starting to clear up. Even though some of it is a gross reality, I'm kinda looking forward to it, 'cause I remember it from last time, and I really liked it. And few things feel as good as a good throat clearing.

I think that covers it for today.

Day 3

Ug, weighed in this morning at 233.4, meaning I gained 1.8 lbs. Actually had to adapt my nutrition and fitness goals on SparkPeople because it caused my BMI to go up.

I have no doubt what caused the weight gain. It's called a "beer belly" for a reason. Not only did I drink with Lysa, I drank more when I got home and this also caused a lapse in the vegetarian diet too. Some late-night chicken nuggets with bbq sauce.

I really am going to have to eliminate alcohol from my diet.

OK. No more drinking at home. If I do drink, I will drink wine or hard liquor, not beer. And I will limit myself to 1 only. This goal applies for at least 30 days. We will re-evaluate then.

Doing really well on not smoking. No problems. eCig rocks.

Fitness for the day: managed 10 push-ups, 15 sit-ups and 10 minutes cardio jogging.

I feel frustrated today, but I managed to channel that frustration into some fitness work. I really want to see a weight drop. I know I am eating more because of not smoking, but it was really the booze plus the compromised willpower that led me to basically binge eat some chicken nuggets. OK, with ranch too, not just bbq.

It's only day 3. I'd like to at least get back down to my starting weight by Day 7, which was 230.6 lbs., which is 2.8 lbs. It's aggressive, and more than I would normally recommend losing in a week, but for the first week, sure a 3-5 lb drop would be nice.

That's it, I'm doing it. 230 lbs. here we come.

Recipe -- Vegan Chili with "Veggie Ground Round" (TVP)

VEGAN CHILI WITH VEGGIE GROUND ROUND (TVP)

Vegan Chili With Veggie Ground Round (TVP)
A healthy, vegan chili made with TVP (textured vegetable protein)

Minutes to Prepare: 60
Minutes to Cook: 120
Number of Servings: 10

Ingredients

TVP Yves Veggie Ground Round, 1.5 cup
Onions, raw, 1 cup, chopped
Green Peppers (bell peppers), .5 cup, strips
Garlic, 1 clove
Red Ripe Tomatoes, 2 cup, chopped or sliced
Sweet Corn, Fresh, 1 cup
Mushrooms, fresh, .5 cup, pieces or slices
Carrots, raw, 1 cup, chopped
Spinach, fresh, 2 cup
Salt, 1 tbsp
Basil, 2 tbsp
Oregano, ground, 1 tbsp
Chili powder, 2 tbsp
Curry powder, 1 tbsp
Allspice, 1 tbsp
Paprika, 1 tbsp
Pepper, black, 1 tbsp
*Hot Sauce, Tapatio Salsa Picante, 10 tsp
Lentils, 1 cup
Barley, pearled, cooked, 1 cup
*Brown Rice, long grain, 1 cup
Beans, red kidney, 2 cup
Tomato Sauce, 3 cup
Water, tap, 5 cup (8 fl oz)
Brown Sugar, 2 tsp packed
Black Olives, 170 grams
Bouillon, Knorr Vegetable, 1/2 cube, 1 serving

This recipe can be adapted to use any vegetables you like, it is also a great way to use up leftovers. It is a little high in sodium, but chock full of nutrition and has almost no fat, and is cholesterol-free, a great source of dietary fiber and protein. It is a soup that can easily be served as a main course, or cut the serving size in half and use it as a side dish. Also can be added to tacos, burritos or wraps.

Directions

Quick boil the red beans, rinse and reserve.
Begin with slow cooker on high setting.
Cook onions, green peppers, and garlic until slightly browned and soft. Add half the hot sauce and the TVP and cook for 10 min., stirring occasionally.
Lower heat to medium, add all other ingredients, stir to combine, cover and allow to simmer 90-120 min.
Add water as needed to develop the thickness you prefer; I like a really chunky chili, so I keep the water to as absolute minimum -- enough that you can stir it, but only a minimum amount of standing water when it boils. Be careful not to burn the bottom.

Serving Size: Makes 10 2-cup servings

You can also find this recipe here, at my SparkPeople.com profile: Vegan Chili with Veggie Ground Round (TVP)

Push-Ups Challenge

The Push-Up Challenge
a.k.a.: turn my man boobs into nice pecs

So, not only have I always wanted to "look good in a tight t-shirt," I have also always wanted to have a nice chest, which arguably is the most important cosmetic aspect of LGIATT ("look good in a tight tee,") right? You still admire a guy who has nice pecs, even if he has a little paunch in the middle.

To this end, I first started with researching what causes man boobs. It's easy to assume it is just fat, but that is not it; yes, the moob itself is fat and loose skin, but the cause is more complex than that, and could be different for every man. In short, lack of exercise and poor nutritional combinations -- specifically drinking beer -- give men a hormonal imbalance from increased aromatase enzyme that actually converts Testosterone to Estrogen, and ta-da! a moob appears. The article I link to above goes much deeper into the issue, and covers the more complex bits I've left out here.

I was already considering eliminating alcohol from my diet. *sigh*

Armed with my new understanding of where my moobs came from, I intrepidly Google, "How do I get rid of my man boobs?" Skipped over a few results and zeroed in on WikiHow.com thinking, Good a place as any to start, and not as annoying and full of snarky assholes as Yahoo Answers usually is. Much to my satisfaction, I was directed to this article: 3 Ways To Get Bigger Chest Muscles. #1 of course is, "Do Push Ups." As they plainly point out, "This often-neglected exercise focuses on building up your shoulder and upper chest muscles."

I already knew this. And, in fact, I did 4 push-ups last week and was sore for 2 days after, in my pecs and my lats. LOL, pathetic, right?

So here's the goal: I will take the sad man boobs on the left and transform them into the hot chest on the right

Let's not even talk about the abs in that picture. Um, yeah... probably never. But, I do know that I can achieve the goal of having nice, well developed pecs and shoulders. My build is already large and I've always had wide shoulders.

So, here's the Push-Ups Challenge: I will do push-ups every day. I will start today with as many as I can do without extreme fatigue. I will try to do 1 more every successive day, until I can do what they suggest in the WikiHow article: 3 reps of 15 push-ups. Then, we'll re-evaluate from there.

Day 2

Welcome to Day 2.
Weighed myself at 231.6, so I gained 0.8 lbs. which is negligible. Coming off a day of fasting., I'm surprised I didn't gain more.

Had NO problems whatsoever not smoking until the battery died in my rechargeable eCig. And I was supposed to go over to Lysa's house for our standing appointment, Sunday Happy Hour. And then I was all, Um, I can't hang. I gotta deal with this. So, I dashed off to the store and bought a disposable. I just knew -- we're gonna drink, I HAVE to smoke. So, I spent some moneny ($9) I didn't need to, but... then maybe I did need to.

Vegan Fast Day 2:

Just fine.
Breakfast: Vegan smoothie with 1/2 cup vanilla soy milk, 1/2 cup "green machine" fruit and veg green drink, 1/2 of banana, 1/2 cup fresh strawberries, 1 Granny smith apple, pureed.

Lunch: "Tofu Scramble" from work -- curry tofu, red and green peppers, onion, and I had them add sundried tomato, and put it in a spinach wrap, with 1/3 cup homefried potatoes on the side.

Dinner: Red and green bell peppers, broccoli, cucumber, white vinegar & table salt, hummus, wheat crackers, and fresh tomato.

"Snack": also drank 4 oz. Sauza tequila, 2 Corona and 1 tequila & ginger ale.

Not too bad. I went over about 110 calories overall, and I'm under on my protein by about 20 grams. Gotta find some more protein in my diet. But I knew I was gonna drink with Lysa so I budgeted. It's OK as long as I keep my protein high overall.

I'm finding (two days in with some time of preplanning...) that being vegan makes the protein intake harder. I'm not getting the protein I would normally be getting from dairy. Hm. With only 7 days on the vegan fast I'm not that worried about it, but if I were going to be vegan all the time it would be a concern. And it's worth looking into alternate high-protein sources.

Recipe: yummy vegan burger

Boca Burger with spinach and tomato
2 Boca burger
2 English muffins*, toasted
2 thick slices of fresh tomato
1/2 cup fresh spinach
1/2 cup onion
1/2 cup bell pepper
1/2 cup fresh mushrooms
1 tsp. salt
1 tbl. vegetable oil
1 tbl. hot sauce

Sautee onions, bell pepper and mushrooms with salt, oil and hot sauce. Grill Boca burgers in same pan. Pile on toasted English muffins and top with tomato and spinach.
*English muffins are not entirely vegan, as they may contain up to 2% buttermilk

614 cal / 83 g carbs / 18 g fat / 39 g protein

Day 1

Me at 230 lbs. - June 1st, 2013

Well, here it is. Me shirtless.

Today is June 1st, 2013, I weighed myself this morning at 230.8 lbs.

Here's a little scoop: 

I said I was going to quit smoking by the time I was 40, which was last August. I'll be 41 on my birthday this summer.  I quit smoking for 4 months in the winter of '09-'10, and as soon as I picked it up again I said I would quit again, that was 3 years ago. Then this January, I saw this news story, from CBS about a medical study claiming if you quit smoking by age 40, you can reverse all of the health effects of smoking. And I thought, That's it, I'm doing it. If I quit while I'm still 40, I'm counting it. 

So, about 5 days ago I bought an eCigarette and started aggressively weening myself off tobacco. I smoked one final pack of cigarettes, 2-5 a day until they were gone. I knew I couldn't keep them and not smoke them, so yesterday I smoked the last 9 in the pack. I also went out for a beer after work and I smoked 3 of my friend's cigarettes too. So today, June 1st, is my first day entirely tobacco free. So far I've had no problems at all, a few mild cravings, but the eCig really does the trick. When I quit before I used the patch (transdermal) and it worked for me just fine, but I think I like the eCig even better because I still get the ritual of smoking, as well as the social aspect. And the eCig itself is a nice conversation piece. At any rate, yay me! As of today I am tobacco free.

I have also decided that I am going to be vegetarian again.

I was a vegetarian from late 1993 - sometime in 1999, I don't remember the exact time frame that I started eating meat again, it just kind of crept back in. Being vegetarian really agreed with me, and I took to the diet easily. I also lost a lot of weight on a vegetarian diet, which was the only thing that changed in my lifestyle at the time. Honestly, every time I have ever given consideration to losing weight, I have remembered that and said, "Gee, I should try that again." Well, duh. So, let's actually try it. Therefore, I decided that beginning today, June 1st, I am going to be vegetarian again. 

Technically I am a Flexitarian, which is a vegetarian who occasionally eats meat. Even when I was a "vegetarian" before, this is actually what I was. Then, I still ate shellfish and tuna, and once in a while bacon would be too much of a temptation to resist. This time, I have simply given myself permission to eat meat if I want to. I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

I have challenged myself to start off my vegetarian diet with a twist though. I've decided to try being vegan for the first 7 days. Overall, I am not willing to exclude dairy from my diet, but I like the idea of an all-vegetable fast to start out my new diet. Eating vegan for a week will give my GI tract a nice scrubbing.

Today was also Day 1 of what I am calling my "vegan fast." So far, I have eaten: coffee, 1 large Granny Smith apple, 1 cup of green seedless grapes, and 1 Amy's Indian Samosa Wrap. I felt very full after the meal, but now about 2 hours later, I feel hungry again. I am going to make myself a Boca burger wrap I think with lots of veggies and some rice.... or maybe barley, or a mix of both.

I skipped breakfast today, big no-no, and one I often commit. I vow to eat breakfast.

Still haven't done any cardio today, but as soon as I post this, I am going to do 15 minutes of Zumba on TV.

About coffee. I might have to start drinking it black again. I use low-fat non-dairy creamer and Splenda, but that creamer is still loaded with empty carbs, plus it has aluminum in it -- did you know, if you throw the stuff on a flame it will spark bright green? The Splenda I can probably still use. 

I try not to eat any white sugar. Many members of my family are diabetic, and I have seen some of the warning signs in myself. That is one of the big motivators that has made me finally take my health seriously. My grandfather was very sick with diabetes and it definitely was the main cause of his death, and my mother is diabetic as well. I don't want to be diabetic, and I realized that the only person who is capable of changing my lifestyle is me. So, here we are, blogging about it.

Inaugural Post

Welcome to the inaugural post of my shiny new blog, "Look Good In A Tight T-Shirt." I've always wanted to look good in a tight t-shirt. This blog is about my health & fitness, and the changes I have made in my lifestyle and will continue to make in order to lose weight, get fit and be healthy, and yes, look good in a tight tee. I recently quit smoking and have become vegetarian. I have been exercising sporadically and have challenged myself to do some kind of physical activity every day. This blog will chronicle my journey. I will talk about my diet, exercise, recipes, whatever I feel like. I will also be posting my weight and keeping a record of what I eat. This may be boring to anyone but me. However, if it's interesting to you, feel free to subscribe. I reserve the right to screen comments, and any haters will be removed, no questions asked, this is not a democracy. Kyle