Weigh In Wednesday

245. I lost 2 lbs. this week.  Lost 8 lbs. total so far.

Had a couple days where I still went over my points. I stayed inside my weekly target though. However, it does matter that I went over daily.

Made some more adjustments to my diet:

• Started eating gluten free bread at work
• turns out gluten free bread is not gross
• Switched to Sprouted Grain bread at home
• Switched to low-fat Swiss cheese

I only worked out 2 days. Gotta work on that. I might add it as a goal on my WW online tracker. (Doing it now....)

OK, did it. But had to set it up on SparkPeople account, which is fine. They are more fitness oriented than Weight Watcher which is mainly focused on nutrition. 

Not smoking cigarettes is going swimmingly. I've noticed a few of my smoking cues are going away, which is awesome. I don't even look around for my e-cig when I take the dogs out. No problems in the car. Clearly it is not over yet, but I'm winning.

Have not smoked for 12 days.

Backpedaled on drinking a little. No drinking on work nights. That's going fine. Not drinking as much either. I drank 3 beers last night.

Overall, I'm happy about my results last week. I was a little disappointed to only lose 2 lbs. after losing 6 my first week.  But it makes me want to try harder this week. 

Goals for this week:

• Work out at least 5 days
• Eat breakfast every day
• I still sometimes don't eat breakfast on my days off, so gotta get that one zipped
• Continue the micro-adjustments to my nutritional plan

I lost 6 lbs. Weigh-In Wednesday

Weigh-In Wednesday, 9/17/2014, Week 1

Weight 247 lbs.

I lost 6 lbs this week. That is awesome.

Still not smoking cigarettes, it's getting easier every day.

Weight Watchers is going really well. I find it really does help me. Their system is awesome because there's no forbidden foods, and some of my favorite foods are 0-point foods, so you're not hungry. You don't have to starve yourself. If you're hungry you can eat something.

And using their online tracking and goal setting tools is really great for me. It helps me to actually see what I ate and what it's impact on my overall nutrition was, and that helps me see where I can make healthier choices and still eat the meals I like. Plus, you also see the direct effect of exercise. Pretty much you get 1 point for every 5 minutes you work out or do cardio or any kind of active exercising. (Well, I think you get 2 pts for running.... yeah not yet.) Anyway, you literally see where your activity level is helping you.

Anyway, ok enough with the Weight Watchers commercial. LOL

Some ups and downs this week. I had a couple days where I really went over my points for the day, but I managed to stay on my weekly points overall. Still, a little lesson from that. It was my first week back on the program after all. And I still lost 6 lbs.

A few things I know made a difference for sure. I did not have homefries or french fries even once this week with my meals at work. I didn't drink. And, I cooked all of my at-home meals at home (didn't eat out or buy premade meals.)

I changed up a few of my work meals so I can still have them but they are better for me.

• switched to veggie sausage and cheddar on the eggwich
• no homefries / french fries / chips
• no cheeseburgers
• if I ordered a sandwich, I had it as a wrap, it's half the points

Not smoking:

My sense of smell is back, didn't realize I couldn't smell things before.
No more wheezing at night.
Still having coughing fits where I'm hacking up gross shit.
My lungs feel better, I can actually feel them feeling better.

My voice is coming back a little, still waiting on that one. Last time I quit smoking I remember all of a sudden having to clear my throat like 30 times in a row and afterward my voice sounded different to me for a day or so until I got used to it. And I noticed my singing voice came back very noticeably. I remember singing along to the radio in the car and being like, "OMG, I can hit that note again." So anyway, I'm looking forward to that this time.

Not smoking during the day at all at work, I don't think about it much even. I'm still using the e-cig in the car and at home a little. Still don't care about that. I'm really happy to be done with cigarettes. I had a landmark moment with it where I got in the car at the end of the day and was like, "Holy shit, I don't have to go to the store. I can just go right home."

I'm really surprised at how little I think about cigarettes. Even when I quit back in 2010 with the patch, like this time, I thought about smoking all the time. Now, I really don't think about it all day at work. I do go outside one time at the very end of the day with my e-cig. So I guess technically I am still "smoking." I don't care about that, I just want to be done with cigarettes. I barely use the e-cig too, I find myself holding it more that smoking it.

Didn't really exercise this week. I will change that today. I got my stepper out, it is sitting in the middle of the living room.

It feels good to be back on the wagon.

No Smoking Cigarettes Day 2

I can say overall I am a lot more testy and irritated by things today.

No problem at work again. Didn't even think about smoking most of the day. VERY end of the day I could feel myself getting really cranky though, and it was getting hard to control. At the very, very last of the day, I went outside with a co-worker and got my e-cig out of the car and sat with it (and her) for about 10 minutes.

Whatever. I made it through. Jury's still out on the e-cig. Also whatever, right now.

Not Smoking Day 1

First day not smoking went surprisingly well. I'm wearing a nicotine patch, so of course it wasn't horrible. Truthfully, barely thought about smoking once I got to work. Kept busy all day. 

It was very hard NOT pulling out a cigarette first thing this morning though. It was the first thing I thought when I woke up, "Oh god, really? Am I really gonna quit today?" I have a few cigarettes still in the pack from yesterday, plus a whole unopened pack. I could literally feel my hand reaching for them when I was rounding up the dogs to go outside. 

At that point I wasn't wearing the patch yet. I wanted to wait until after I took a shower to put it on. It was just that instinct to grab a smoke while I've got the dogs out. It's a good timer, too. 

Once I put the patch on, the cravings went away completely. It was just the habits that kept hitching me up. Putting a piece of gum in my mouth every time I get in the car helps. 

I did grab my e-cig on the way out of the house and threw it in the car with me. I puffed on it like 2 times in the car, left it there all day. Then on the way home a little and now that I am at home. But I find I'm mostly holding it, or hanging onto it with my teeth (it is too heavy to hold it like a regular cig on your lips.)

I don't know about the e-cig overall. But at this point whatever keeps me from buying a pack of cigarettes is fine. And the e-cig really is not the same. It doesn't feel like anything in my lungs the smoke is just vapor. Doesn't make me cough. I'll probably try leaving it at home tomorrow, cut out the car stuff altogether. 

At any rate, it went really well overall. I feel like the last 2 times I quit were practice. I keep remembering the stuff that worked and didn't work before. And the side effects. The patch is 21mg but that is only about 2/3 of what is in a pack of cigarettes, so there is still withdrawal. And the e-cig too is a much lower dose of nicotine. (Which is why I couldn't quit with the e-cig alone last year.)

Major Wake-Up Calls -- I'm Back

So, it's been about a year since I fell off the wagon.

Had quite a few wakeup calls lately.

First off, I'm getting too fat for my clothes. And I threw away all my "fat clothes" 3 years ago when I was down to 185 lbs. A good half of my dress shirts don't fit me, and some of my t-shirts and polos are getting to where my belly hangs out of them unless I wear a t-shirt under, tucked in. I've also noticed I'm starting to have trouble with my knees again, which is a sure sign I am packing on the weight. I've gained most of it in my belly, although my double chin is coming back too.

I weigh 253 lbs. as of yesterday. It's bad. My BMI 33.4.
14 months ago when I was at my best in terms of being on track, I was back down to 226 and 29.8 BMI, so I've put on 27 lbs. and added 3.6 points to my BMI. Meaning, I've been steadily gaining 2 lbs. a month. Overall, from my lowest adult weight in the spring of 2011, of 185 lbs. / 24.4 BMI, I've gained back 68 lbs.

Smoking...

I am quitting smoking tomorrow. I don't know why the hell I ever started again. I quit for 4 months in 2010, seriously why did I ever pick up a cigarette again?? I woke up last night in the middle of the night because I was wheezing so loud it woke me up. Today I will go get some nicotine patches. Tomorrow I will put one on when I wake up. Today is my last day as a smoker forever. I'm quitting for good this time. It will be the 3rd serious try.

... and drinking.

It is no coincidence that my serious weight gain directly correlates to the fact that my drinking has stepped back up to Good Old Days Levels almost. And the more I drink, the more I progressively give myself permission to -- meaning, the less and less I care about it. BUT, it isn't the Good Old Days any more, and I'm 42, and fat, and I smoke. Drinking takes a much heavier toll on me than it did back in the day.

In truth, I am considering going to an AA meeting. I don't want to drink any more. If I could just drink a beer or a glass of wine after dinner that would be fine. But I don't drink just one. I get drunk every time I drink. It's been very hard for me to consider even admitting I might have a problem. But yeah... the drinking is definitely facilitating my weight gain, and it makes me feel shitty, gives me problems sleeping, you name it. It's time to get that part of my life over with.

Today I re-joined Weight Watchers Online, and it was quite a wakeup call of its own. I went to the food tracker and entered a hypothetical day -- a typical day for me. And I found I was using ALL my points for the entire week, including DOUBLE the "indulgence free points" they give you, in one day. It really opened my eyes to how far off my nutrition plan I've fallen. It's not how much I'm eating, it's WHAT I eat.

So, I'm back on the diet. I hate the word diet, but I'm back. My nutrition plan just got yanked back into place.

What makes me so aware of all this all of a sudden?

I'll tell you:

My mother has been in the hospital for 8 weeks this coming Sunday. It's the longest she has ever been in, and she is very sick. She is sicker than when she had bypass surgery. Her diabetes is worsening. She had another heart attack and then another minor one since being in the hospital. She is so weak she can't adjust her own position in the recliner she is in. She can't go to the bathroom without assistance, including someone cleaning her afterward. She is on oxygen and nebulizer treatments. And she is so fat she can't get comfortable. She is 14 inches shorter than me, but weight 30 lbs. more than me. I don't have any idea how long she will have to be hospitalized and at this point the goal is to get her well enough to go to a nursing home. Yes, a nursing home -- my mother is only 62.

THAT IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME

Diabetes and obesity killed my grandfather too. That should have been a wakeup call. But seeing my mother that way really has been. In terms of my habits and eating patterns and lack of exercise and weight gain as I get older, I am living the EXACT lifestyle that brought all of this on my mother. I cannot let that happen to me. It is not too late, yet. 

Anyway, I'm going to start writing in the blog again. I hope you all will still follow me.