Weight-In Wednesday: lost 3 lbs. and big-boy breakfast

I did it! I made my goal for the week, plus a little. (Which is exactly what I said, "I need to be be at goal or a little ahead, instead of playing catch-up the rest of the time. Those little misses add up to big misses.")

This week's weight goal was 280, and as of this morning I am at 279. SWEET -- saw a 7. This means overall I have lost 3 lbs. this week and 11 lbs. overall since May. And that also means that really, I have lost 10 lbs. twice because in the end of June my weight blimped back up to 290. Gonna aim to not let that happen again.

I've discovered something empirically that I could not accept based on the word of others, even everyone:

I need to restrict my calorie intake at night.

I weight myself every day, twice a day. And, nearly every time I am as much as 3 lbs. lighter in the afternoon than I am first thing in the morning. The only times this has not been true were when I consciously stopped myself from eating into the evening and then my weight in the morning is right at, or just barely a sliver under my weight from the previous afternoon.

After two months of monitoring this, ruminating on it, Googling it, and generally letting it settle into my brain I have been forced to accept that simply saying that late night eating is my real problem is not sufficient to addressing it -- I have to actually not eat.

I use Google Fit to track my activity level and my BMR during the day and when I get home from work any given day I am usually at a 600-1000 calorie deficit for the day, which is right on target. For my overall goal, I am working toward being at a 750 calorie deficit every day with exercise calculated as part of it. That will (mathematically at least) allow me to lose 1.5 lbs per week. So then... I plant my ass in front of the TV and start eating. There are days more than 50% of my calories are consumed at home in the evening. And there are plenty of nights I go way over that.

I have found a couple things that help remedy that. Mostly, shifting a lot of my calories to breakfast makes a big difference. And secondarily to that, eating my greasy carbs at lunch (if I want them) seems to neutralize their negatives and maximize their positives. Yes there are positives such as: me being happy because I get to eat a french fry or a fried fish sandwich once in a while, and the calorie-fat-carb blast in the middle of the day keeps me going through the "late day slump." On the regular my lunch is a salad, but if I want crispy fried chicken on top of it, I have it. Or if there is something irresistible like coleslaw. Mmm. I need to be psychologically satisfied with my meals, too.

Oddly enough, I have to face weird reactions to eating a big breakfast. Where I work, we eat our meals together, in the dining room, with the residents (I work in an assisted living / nursing home.) And I often get comments like, "Well that's a big-boy breakfast isn't it?" Or, "Gee, are you hungry?" (To which I always simply say, "Yep.") (Note I could show up at the table with a 1000 calorie LUNCH on my plate and no one would bat an eyelash, but I eat a full plate of food at breakfast and it's a "big boy breakfast.")

My average breakfast runs around 600 calories. I normally have 2 scrambled eggs, gluten free toast, an apple, half a banana and either oatmeal or yogurt (but not both) and if there is bacon -- obviously, it's bacon. Eating a nice, big breakfast gives me energy through the day, makes it so I can eat a much lower calorie lunch (usually I eat a large salad with whatever protein is being served -- chicken or fish, etc.) and I have the balance of the day for my metabolism to actually use the fat calories instead of store them. My mood throughout the day is also higher and more positive if I had a good breakfast, and I am able to handle stress and demanding situations a lot more readily.

So yes. It is a "big-boy breakfast," because I'm a big boy and I have a lot of work to do. I'm working on not reacting emotionally to criticisms of my weight (which is what commenting on the size of a meal really is.) It's easy to knee-jerk to a defensive reaction, but I do try to save those for the deserving (like the asshole who made a shitty comment to me at an ice cream shop -- yeah I told that guy to go fuck himself, "I have an idea: how about you keep your fucking opinion to yourself where it belongs. What? You thought I came here for a salad maybe? So yeah. Fuck off." .... pretty sure is what I said that time.) But in general I am working on using my Zen on people's opinions / reactions to my weigh and fitness goals the way I do with nearly everything else. I'm making progress, but it's slow going.

At any rate, it's a good week. Lost 3 lbs. Met my exercise, activity, and tracking goals, and I am feeling stronger and healthier. I am going to write a separate entry about the night eating and some goal setting surrounding that. Stay tuned.

Weigh-In Wednesday

236 lbs., lost 3 lbs this week, 17 lbs lost overall.

*phew*

I was a little worried after not losing any weight last week.

Made some adjustments to my diet again this week. About mid-week, I decided to stop eating bread. Also went back on plan in terms of what types of food I was eating. I did under-eat a little bit. That's so ironic, I never imagined I would have a problem not eating enough,

But I also understand myself, and I know how my body works. I took the warning to heart from Weight Watchers that I was "losing weight too fast," but I also don't mind if I drop a lot of weight really quick. I need to reset my metabolism. I know I "shocked" my body so to speak with a couple weeks of dramatic under-eating, but it has made me more able to stay on plan. I'm not carb starved all the time any more because I cut so much carbs out of my diet, I have adapted to a lower-carb diet.

It also allows me to have indulgences once in a while, for example a burger and fries, which I did have last week. Two weeks ago when I didn't lose any weight, I had been eating a handful of fries every day. One of the take-aways from that week was, "OK, the all day grazing has to stop. If I'm gonna have french fries, I just gonna have them, with a meal and get it over with."

This week I have really been craving a pizza. I might have to let that be my freebie this week.

It feels good to be back on track.

Goals for next week:

• lose at least 1 lb.
• really get a handle on the no bread thing
• work out at least 3 days

Weigh-In Wednesday - Lost 3 lbs.

Sweet,
242 lbs., lost 3 lbs., overall lost 11 lbs. so far.

I just caught myself, arms crossed, looking out the window and nodding to myself, "It's working."

It is totally working. I have always been shocked by the cause and effect in my life, I'm not sure why. But especially when it's my own behavior, I'm always like, "OH! Duh...." Like right now. I changed my diet for real, not just for a day or two, and there is a resultant change in me. Huh.. who knew? LOL

I'm really pleased to see this result, because I felt like I went off the wagon a couple times this week. Truthfully though, I ate a cheese burger and fries one time, which is normal, right? Once a week you treat yourself to some meal like that.

So-so on my goals for the week: I did eat breakfast every day, but I only worked out twice (goal is 5 times a week.)

So goals for next week:

• I wanna try one completely new meal this week, something I've never thought of before
• Work out 5 days

Weigh In Wednesday

245. I lost 2 lbs. this week.  Lost 8 lbs. total so far.

Had a couple days where I still went over my points. I stayed inside my weekly target though. However, it does matter that I went over daily.

Made some more adjustments to my diet:

• Started eating gluten free bread at work
• turns out gluten free bread is not gross
• Switched to Sprouted Grain bread at home
• Switched to low-fat Swiss cheese

I only worked out 2 days. Gotta work on that. I might add it as a goal on my WW online tracker. (Doing it now....)

OK, did it. But had to set it up on SparkPeople account, which is fine. They are more fitness oriented than Weight Watcher which is mainly focused on nutrition. 

Not smoking cigarettes is going swimmingly. I've noticed a few of my smoking cues are going away, which is awesome. I don't even look around for my e-cig when I take the dogs out. No problems in the car. Clearly it is not over yet, but I'm winning.

Have not smoked for 12 days.

Backpedaled on drinking a little. No drinking on work nights. That's going fine. Not drinking as much either. I drank 3 beers last night.

Overall, I'm happy about my results last week. I was a little disappointed to only lose 2 lbs. after losing 6 my first week.  But it makes me want to try harder this week. 

Goals for this week:

• Work out at least 5 days
• Eat breakfast every day
• I still sometimes don't eat breakfast on my days off, so gotta get that one zipped
• Continue the micro-adjustments to my nutritional plan

Ah, not weird after all

Bit of a lapse since I posted.

I've had a lapse in my fitness routine, too, but that seems to have ended in the last two weeks. At any rate, I'm back on the wagon. I've come to accept about myself that I have to do a thing every day or I won't do it long term. So, I've scaled back my workout but have been doing it every day. Overall, I am much happier with my results -- I feel better, I'm not overworking myself, and I find I have no problem fitting it into my day.

But that's not what I wanted to talk about.

So, I recently discovered something I was doing isn't weird after all. In fact, lots of people do it.

What's that you ask? Working out in my underwear (at home, of course.)

I find I prefer it for a spectrum of reasons. I don't get as hot, and I don't create laundry in the form of sweat-soaked clothes. It also helps me because I can actually see my body while I work out, and I find that it helps me make better food choices after I work out; I am often hungry within 15-30 of exercise, and being in nothing but a pair of lycra shorts really helps me make good nutritional choices. I'm not gonna wolf down 2 ham & cheese sandwiches while my body is right there in front of me.

Anyway, I was feeling kinda weird about it, like what if someone came over and found me lifting weights in my slutty man underwear? Is it weird? Do I just get a thrill from it? Then, I was reading one of my FB groups and someone asked on the page, "Do you guys work out in your underwear, or do you think that's weird?" Basically every person responded with some version of what I said above, yes because it helps me.

So what do you think? Anyone? Do you work out in your underwear? I know some of you have nice enough bodies that you can pretty much wear underwear to the gym, but I'm not there yet. I will be. I'm not sure I would be that guy in all spandex at the gym, but it would be nice to know I could.

30 Day Report

Wow, I haven't written in 2 1/2 weeks.

Well let's see. July 1st has come and gone, so my 30 day trial run is completed. Really more like 5 weeks. I knew it was going to take me a full month to get a real sense of how I was going to make it work. And a couple times I have really felt like it was another false start, but instead I seem to have made it work.

I only lost 1 pound. However, in the course of the month I actually gained 5 lbs. over my starting weight, so I actually lost 6 lbs. but only a net loss of 1.

Smoking cigarettes: still quit and over the first serious almost-relapse, which I am pretty happy about. I've smoked a few real cigarettes (versus my eCig) over the month but each time it has tasted and felt disgusting to me and even though I smoked the whole thing, it reminded me how glad I was that I didn't smoke any more. I had one evening with friends and a few too many drinks where I had an evening long relapse. And after that, I think 3 days in a row, I smoked one real cigarette a day. This coincided with me having a little summer cold, and being extremely fatigued from an endless 2 weeks at work, and I was just so beat down and my willpower was wrecked, blah blah blah. Anyway, I said to myself, I feel like I'm gonna buy a pack of cigarettes. I have to deal with this. So, I whipped up some more backbone and just made myself stop. I'm back on the eCig all the time again. I do find I am smoking the eCig a lot less too, sometimes at home I go all night without thinking about it. The real cigarette incidents were just that, incidents where I buckled in a stressful situation -- work has been a shitstorm, and I was working with a cold through it. It was always at work. However, overall, I pronounce quitting smoking basically handled.

I have struggled with some real emotional sabotage from myself. It's very defeating -- for example -- to get on the scale after you've worked out every day and followed your goals, and find you gained 3 lbs. That was a hard one, there were others. Like the night I totally caved and gave myself permission to eat a meal and half worth of food at midnight. The day after that, I actually said out loud to myself, "That's it, I failed, right? It's over?" And also when I went 4 days without doing any cardio or weight training whatsoever; after that little episode, I felt really like, ok this is it, I'm off the wagon, I know what's gonna happen, oh well it was a nice try. Oddly though, it's like I could actually really feel it coming over me like a pall or a filter, and each time I just said to myself, No, that is not gonna happen. I've taken those little failures and managed to channel the negative energy into motivation to do it right, and it's worked.

Of course, I wanted to just magically waste away to 175 lbs. and equally mysteriously somehow develop a big, bulked up chest and arms. But it doesn't work that way. Over the month, I've seen the direct effect of even a minimal fitness regimen. On the weeks where I have been consistent in my workouts I've also noticed decreased appetite in general, better sleep, and stable weight loss. Duh.

I have started to see some differences in my body. Nothing photo worthy yet, but in particular, I have noticed that my ass is getting cuter, which for me means bigger 'cause I have no ass. Apparently I have some now, and I'm going to have more. And I have noticed my arms starting to get some definition, and I can feel that my pecs and lats are building, although it's not very noticeable yet, it will be. So actually, I have no idea how much weight I might have for real, because I am definitely gaining muscle. My legs, in particular my thighs, are also starting to get really defined -- I already had ok legs, but they are starting to look really fit even to me.

I bought an elliptical and it turns out I love it. Who knew jogging stairs was what would work for me? I can jog 6 mph on it with the tension 2/3 of the way up for 15 min already, and I've only been using it 2 weeks. The curve was almost straight up, too. The first day I used it, I only made it two minutes and I had to do it one minute at a time. But I was up to 20 minutes within a couple days, first 20 min in 2 sessions at a moderate pace, and by this week I was up to the hard jog for 15 min after a 5 min warmup. I think I can take it up to 30 min pretty soon. For whatever reason, I took to the elliptical naturally. In fact, I know I can take it to 30 min because I've done 45 a couple days in multiple sessions, but I set my goal -- 20 minutes at this point, and I try to consider anything I so over goal to be gravy.

Same with my weight training. I'm sticking to my goals with the free weights, they have stayed the same the whole month which is fine with me. I'm still having a hard time finishing the reps in some of the sets, so I'm staying put until the sets are too easy. However, I do also do a little bit over goal every day, and a couple days I've tripled my sets, but again, I treat it like gravy. I was wicked sore the next day, and I don't want to make myself so sore I can't work out. Any activity at all is more than I was doing before.

So, overall, in spite of some setbacks, in fact possible because of them, I think I am on the road to resetting my physical lifestyle. I'm very proud of myself that I have managed to incorporate breakfast back into my diet -- I have drank a fresh fruit smoothie every single day but one, and that day I was groggy and cranky and I knew it was because I didn't make my smoothie. And it has helped me to feel hungry ealier in the day too, because instead of my body just being in starvation / fasting mode, I can actually tell my stomach is empty and I'm hungry. Weird that eating helps you control your eating, right? It's weird stuff, and even though the info is right there everywhere you look, it never clicked in my head before like this. I've never succeeded at this for a whole month before. Like, I feel like I really am making a sea change in my life. My personality of course is still mine, but I have felt like I am changing who I am.

At this point I am willing to say, not only will I look good in a tight t-shirt, I'm gonna have a hot body. It might take me a year, in fact I planned it to, but yeah. Hot body.

the "four digit meal"

1055 calorie lunch. (805 without the 20 oz. Coke.)

I don't care, I only like Coke Classic, I'll (literally) eat the 250 calories. I don't drink soda. I don't drink it at work, I don't order it out, and I buy Diet Ginger Ale for a mixer at home, which is all I use it for, and if I drink a cocktail out, I have soda water or... um, ice cubes. Once or twice a month maybe, I have a Coke with my lunch.

I am also trying to keep to my rule of getting most of my daily calories from fat, protein and carbs in the first half of the day, and focus on my calories from fiber in the second half. So, really my thousand calorie lunch is in keeping with the plan. I was shocked when I put it in my tracker and saw it, a "four-digit meal."

You get up, you get back on the horse

OK, so of course I had to go and brag about how I'd gotten my night eating under control. Then last night (including alcohol) I ate 3161 calories after midnight and then went and passed out. Woke up 6 lbs. heavier this morning. 6 pounds.

I know I didn't actually gain 6 real pounds, it's water retention and a couple pounds of food still going through my GI tract, but I can pretty much guarantee tomorrow I'll see the actual net gain from it, which will probably be a pound or even two.

I've had an interesting week. From the combination of tracking my calories / eating and holding to my no night eating rule I observed something amazing: as long as I didn't eat at night, like no later than 7 or 8 pm, I lost weight every day. It almost didn't matter what I ate during the day within reason, as long as I didn't eat too late into the evening, I was consistently dropping .5 to 1 lb. a day.

I also observed that on the days I "did it right" and ate the most of my calories, protein, carbs and fat early in the day, and focused on high fiber and complex carbs later in the day, it was much easier to control the urge to eat at night, and easier to make the right choices if I did eat anything. It made it sink in a little more the actual importance of eating when you're "dieting" -- it's not a "diet" if it doesn't include food. Starving yourself by skipping meals or excessive fasting, coupled with infrequent huge meals (usually two a day, right?) makes your body go into a low-level shock because your hypothalamus starts sending out survival signals to your body, triggering fat-generation mode. It really is really bad, a total "diet" killer. Your body is capable of converting almost any nutrient into fat to store the nutrition. Eating more frequently, and eating most of your protein, carbs and fat early in the day keeps your body fed and lets your metabolism work right.

I had an object lesson this week in how well it can work, and how ugly it can be when you fall off the wagon. 6 pounds worth of a lesson. I was horrified when I got on the scale this morning.

I have stayed on track with my fitness goals though. Interestingly even on the days I went a little retrograde in terms of my nutritional plan, I still got my cardio and weight training done. I have done one or the other every day, and both every day about 2 out of 3, not bad. My pecs and my deltoid and tricep are the ones that hurt. I have a pretty decent bicep, always have, although it has been way better before. And you really have to tighten up your tricep or you can't really see the bicep definition, and the tricep is where you get the grandma wing. I'm starting to see and feel a positive difference in my upper body, both in strength and in muscle shape, and it's very encouraging. It makes me actually like the burn. "That pain you feel today is the strength you will feel tomorrow."

Anyway, it's been a mixed bag this past week or thereabouts. Overall, I had a great week, stayed on my nutritional goals, got my fitness goals in every day, but then I really crashed & burned yesterday. It was not even a backslide, it was a total reversion. I didn't eat all day, then at about 4 pm, I ordered way too much food out after work, then starved myself again for almost 8 hours and ended up eating directly out of the refrigerator at 12:30.

I choose to take it as a lesson. I try to focus on the successes, and there were plenty, particularly in getting to the top of the curve on understanding and internalizing it all. Every failure I've experienced so far has served to reinforce why I need to do this. For some reason, I've been able to see why each failure has happened and what the consequences were, and channel my disappointment into motivation to do it right. It's working, but every time I have a bad day I really have to work through it with myself and keep reminding myself it's just a setback, not the end of the plan. You get up, you get back on the horse.

Lean meat protein returns

Interesting.

Well, I ate a beef burger yesterday at work. Here's why:

On Day 8, the first day of being off my vegan fast, I was really excited to be able to eat some cheese. So, I had a veggie burger with cheddar. And a side of mayo to dip my fries in. I know, I know, we'll talk about that later.

I was so disappointed, I almost tossed the whole thing in the trash can.

I don't know what I thought a slice of cheese was gonna do for me. I guess I thought it was going to transform my veggie burger into a Big Mac or something. No such luck, it was still a veggie burger. And I mistakenly told myself, It's because I wanted it to be a beef burger.

So, yesterday, 3 days later, I finally said, Screw it, I'm having a burger. It's a big flex, but whatever.

Again, I was so disappointed I almost dumped it in the bus tub. And, the taste of the meat actually repelled me a little. Not to mention also that in an 8oz. lean ground beef patty (like ours at work, which are 85/15 Angus beef -- good, lean beef) there are still 700 calories. Yes, 700. But, really I don't care about that as much as how disappointed I still was, just as disappointed as I was by the veggie burger.

So it forced me to think about it. Why? Why so despondent after my favorite splurge meal: a burger and fries?

I've realized now, today what it was. The vegan fast followed by remaining primarily vegetarian has caused me to eat so differently, and to enjoy such different foods, that chomping down a burger was just that, slurping down some high carb, high fat, work-crash food. There isn't much taste variety, not a lot texture, and the "flavor" really comes from the salt I shook all over it.

I think if I am going to "flex" again, it will be for fish or chicken. I do feel that I need some lean meat protein in my diet. The one positive I have experienced from eating that burger yesterday is that I did feel a lot more satisfied with my overall food yesterday, fuller, more satisfied, and I was able to control my night eating better. And I know it is from the added fat and protein I got from the beef. I just didn't like the taste, and ground beef of course is not exactly the best nutritional choice.

I am going to make a rule I think, that lean meat protein -- fish, chicken or turkey, is allowed in my diet no more than one serving a day. For the last two weeks I have struggled to get my protein values fulfilled, and it has caused me to go over on my carbs and calories a few times trying. Whereas... yesterday with 8 oz. of beef, I hit my protein goals for the day easily, over in fact, but not too bad. I am not only trying to lose weight. Muscle mass is part of my plan -- nice chest = nice pecs, which really means strength training, and protein is critical for that.

So, yes, some lean meat protein is going to come back into my diet.

Bread is bread, even tortillas

Tortillas are a better dietary choice than whole grain bread, right?

I think it is a terrible dietary urban legend that tortillas are better for you, particularly spinach tortillas. Wraps are trendy, that's all. The truth is, bread is bread pretty much, and both flour and spinach tortillas are actually made of processed wheat flour (i.e.: they are white bread in disguise) and corn tortillas are pretty much out too as all corn is suspect at the moment because of GMOs.

FYI: you can get certified Non-GMO corn tortillas and other Mexican food from Que Pasa and from Kettle Chips.

Do a side by side comparison of the nutritional information for any two whole grain breads, including whole wheat tortillas, and you will find that they are virtually identical both in calories and nutritional values. The differences are minimal and favor both alternately, so it is really only a matter of your personal nutritional priorities. I'll use an example:

Whole Wheat Bread vs. Whole Wheat Tortilla

2 Slices Bread, 1 Large Tortilla

Note: the nutritional info for the wheat bread in the picture is for 1 slice, so I am doubling it for the example because I am comparing the amount of bread in a sandwich vs. a wrap, which would have 2 slices of bread.

Let's just make a list of pros for each:

Calories: Tortilla wins, but only by 14 calories, negligible. 

Fat: Bread, by 1 gram overall, plus has no saturated fat.

Sodium: tie, only a 4 mg difference, although technically Bread wins.

Potassium: big win for Bread with 102 mg vs. 0 for the tortilla.

Carbs: Tortilla wins with 4 grams less. Again, kinda negligible.

Dietary Fiber: Tortilla wins with 1 g more.

Sugar: tie, with 2 g each.

Protein: Bread wins, with a 2 g advantage.

TOTAL: 5 / 5, tie.

So really, bread is bread. We all know not to eat white bread, so as long as you stick to whole wheat or whole grain products, it's all the same stuff. 

What about spinach tortillas or other veggie tortillas?

Nope, sorry, those trendy spinach tortillas that restaurants love because they look so nice on the plate are more than double the calories, carbs, sodium and saturated fat as two slices of white bread. Most "vegetable" tortillas (spinach, pepper, basil, paprika, etc.) only contain the ground vegetable powder for taste and coloration, which spikes their sodium content, too. Sadly, they aren't better for you, it's just a marketing scheme. They are actually worse for you than white bread or a white flour tortilla.

But aren't corn tortillas the way to go?

Yes, but not since 2012. Right now -- no -- unless you take the steps to get Non-GMO corn products, which is possible.

It's really too bad about corn right now. Within the top results from a Google search for, "are tortilla's better than bread," you will be continually reminded that corn flour does in fact count as a whole grain. Corn tortillas are much lower calorie, low fat, no cholesterol, low carb, and have a little bit of fiber and protein. Unfortunately, as I said above, basically all corn products since 2012 are suspect, even farm stand corn because Monsanto also sold GMO sweet corn seed to local producers on a global scale, particularly in the Ukraine. Note, many American corn producers are finding that GMO seeds often fail, so hopefully between the GMO labeling push in the US and natural crop failures, GMO vegetables will go away. Soon. Until then, I'm avoiding as much corn product as possible. 

Huge, Ugly Backslide

I've had a pretty serious backslide. Since my Vegan Fast challenge was over, I've pretty much gone off the wagon. I've remained vegetarian, but my eating patterns have gone back to how they were, and I've stopped exercising again.

I didn't really "lose" any weight, either, although I am below my top weigh-in weight. My weight has fluctuated by about 7 lbs. since June 1st. I dropped down as low as 226 and back up as high as 233. My weigh-in this morning was 230.8, so did I "lose" 2 lbs. since June 1st? Sure. But tomorrow I could be just as likely to get on the scale and see I'm at 235.

Since I've become conscious of the fact that "Night Eating Syndrome (NES)" is an actual, real thing, I've also been seeing my own behavior more critically. Reading the symptoms, it was just such a wake-up, it was a description of my exact eating pattern. (Note: it was the same exact Oh My God Moment I had when I read the "Top 10 Signs You Are Experiencing Domestic Violence" pamphlet the sheriffs left me after they arrested my ex, and I was like, "Oh my god, really? Every one?) Like, knowing that it actually is something means I can begin working out how to deal with it.

Last night I had a major NES experience. It was after 11pm, I hadn't eaten much all day. I was starting to feel hungry. And I said to myself, I'm not gonna pig out. But I knew I was going to eat something, so I told myself, it's ok to eat something. So I had a medium sized bowl of my homemade vegan chili, which is also very low calorie and fat and high fiber, etc. It's only about 250 calories. Then, that uncontrollable urge to eat started to come over me, and I could feel it and I tried to tell myself, It's happening, you know it's happening, just make it stop, ignore it, whatever. I totally failed. Within the space of 90 minutes -- right before I went to bed, too -- I ate not only that bowl of chili, but three, yes 3, cheese sandwiches (12 grain bread, extra sharp cheddar, mayo.) I wasn't even hungry any more after the chili, I could feel that my belly was full, and I still ate all three of those sandwiches. Oh yeah and about a cup of fat-free cottage cheese. (Added later. Just remembered that.)

I didn't realize it at the time of course, but thinking about it this morning I realized that a major portion of these extreme overeating nights happen on days I don't eat enough during the day. Duh, right? But what I mean is these episodes have a metabolic element to them that I never made the two-plus-two with before. Even though my stomach is full from the first meal, for example a bowl of chili, my body is still suffering a major caloric / nutritional deficit for the day so my eating impulse is still turned on full. So not only am I struggling with a lifelong pattern of "comfort snacking" at night, but I am also experiencing a legitimate biological imperative -- your body knows it is starving so it wants to eat.

Note, I also drank yesterday. I had one cocktail (vodka, soda water, and lime) at Pat's Pizza with Kim, then two more at Lysa's, and then I drank 3 glasses of wine at home. I know the alcohol is a major contributor, both to my empty calories and to lowered willpower when it comes to controlling my eating / making the right dietary choices.

Without the alcohol, I was only at about 1700 calories yesterday, which isn't a dramatic caloric deficit, but it is for my body which is still accustomed to taking in upwards of 3000 a day. Including the alcohol and the late night binge eating, I took in 4364 calories, more than double my caloric goal range, I also more than doubled my carb goal and nearly doubled my fat. The only thing that was in line was my protein, which is probably negated by the alcohol -- alcohol consumption in particular hampers your body's ability to process protein, and converts it to fat instead. The food alone that I ate after 11pm was a 1900 calorie binge, which is near the top of my caloric goal for the entire day. No surprise I woke up this morning and had gained about 1 lb. (0.7 lbs.) My caloric intake yesterday was somewhere around 2500 calories over my break-even which is just about 3/4 of a pound of body fat.

A few things are clear to me.

• I need to roll back my drinking again
• I am going to just be honest about it, that I am not interested in not drinking. I like to have a cocktail or a beer after work a couple days a week and I enjoy my "happy hour" visits with Lysa, and once in a while you just need to tie one on.
• However, I think I can revive my old rule, no drinking at home.
• I need to eat more, earlier in the day, and eat more frequently throughout the day
• I need to get more of my calories and nutrition throughout the day so my body does not go into starvation mode and start sabotaging me from the inside by making my eating impulse go into overdrive.
• This can be a problem at work because often it is too busy to order a meal, or I only have the opportunity to eat one meal either at the very beginning or the very end of my shift. I may have to start bringing food that is ready to eat.
• I need to exercise every day
• I can't take a day off. A day off for me is really just me saying, "OK, that was enough of that." It's my subconscious sabotage. I know I can't do strength training every day, but I've got to include some kind of cardio or strength training or both into every day.
• I think to accomplish this, I need to start viewing exercise the same way I view my caloric intake -- there has to be a certain baseline I achieve every day.
• Because I am not going to exclude alcohol from my diet, exercise becomes even more important for compensating for the empty caloric intake and the dampening effect on your metabolism.
• More on this later

When I woke up this morning, I felt very discouraged and disappointed with myself. Since I've been processing what happened, and applying some critical thinking, as well as some brutal honesty to it, I am feeling more like I can get back on track. It's a setback, not the end of the project. It's not a "project" it's my life. Wasn't it Rocky Balboa who said something like, "It's not how hard you can hit that matters, it's how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward." (Thanks Lysa for the quote.)

Day 6 and 7

Day 6. All of that, all good.

Day 7........

I want a f***ing omelette SO bad it's almost funny. Last day of the vegan fast....

UG. Being vegan is hard.

Like..... I had no problem staying on the diet, but I did feel deprived. Like, poor vegans. They're missing out. On cheese. And eggs. And Yogurt. Those are my 3.

Weighed in this AM at 228.8, so... what? I "gained" less than half a pound. Overall it means I dropped 5 lbs. in 7 days. No surprise, as I've been shitting like 8 times a day. Thank you fiber. However -- EXACTLY the point of the 7-day vegan fast.

Um, and being vegan is HARD. I'd think of or see some food that is "vegetarian" (ova-lacto) and be like, "Um, I want that. Mmmmm." And then, "Oh, f**k. It's not vegan." And then it was instantly off-limits, but I still was all, Damn. Thank God I'm not actually vegan.

OK, so the real, true, vegan report:

2 actual non-vegan slips: I ate some sherbet. Probably a cup. Ish. And at work I have put a splash of milk in my coffee a couple times a day, like a tablespoon or less. Not too bad.

Hm.

So. The real challenge is coming up. Re-incorporating dairy into my diet without going over on my fat intake........

Day 5 (yesterday)

Yesterday was Day 5.

No smoking, check.
Vegan diet, check.

I did not do any exercise yesterday. My whole body was sore, I figured I needed a day off.

I am starting to have a hard time with the vegan fast. No staying on the diet, I just really, really want some dairy. I'm having a hard time getting enough protein, which you get quite a bit of from cheese and yogurt. LOL -- I have one of those mixed veggie & cheddar "steamers" in the freezer and every time I open the door, I think, God, I want that.

Saturday. Saturday, I will go back to ova-lacto. And I'm gonna eat an egg. Mmmm.

Hormones and weight loss - eat more to lose more?

I've been reading about hormones and how they effect weight loss. Two hormones in particular are critical to eating, or over-eating: Ghrelin, and Leptin.

Ghrelin is a hormone produced by your stomach lining that triggers hunger, tells you to eat.
Leptin is a hormone produced by fat cells that signals satiety, or tells you to stop eating.

Here is an excellent article that covers these hormones and their role in weight loss in plain language.

Ghrelin is a very critical hormone, with receptors throughout your body, and is related not only to eating impulse, but also to learning and cognitive adaptation and helps to regulate neurons in your hippocampus. It is also an important factor in the production and regulation of the human growth hormone.

Leptin, from the Greek, Leptos, which means "thin," is an important horomone which not only tells us we are full after a meal, but helps to support your circulatory system, lungs, and bone health. Obese people often have developed a resistance to Leptin, which is believed to be induced by high-fructose interaction (a.k.a.: eating a lot of sugar,) meaning that people who are already overweight really, hormonally have a dampened / suppressed "fullness signal."

So how do these hormones effect weight loss? Other than by the obvious, turning on and off our eating urge?

Well, put simply, "dieting" really doesn't work, not in the traditional sense. Over-restricting your caloric intake unbalances Ghrelin and Leptin in your body and causes your body to go into fat storage mode. The goal is to keep your Ghrelin (eat) low and your Leptin (stop eating) high, but to do that you have to eat. This seems counter-intuitive, again. All weight loss plans involve calorie restriction.

In order to keep your hormonal balance, you need to reduce caloric intake but increase the volume and the frequency of meals. Again, sounds counter-intuitive, right? Eat more? Well, yes. Eat whole foods that are low-fat and high fiber. Fiber is a critical nutrient in feeling satisfied after a meal. Dietary fiber has so many health benefits it is worth a whole blog entry of it's own. Dietary fiber naturally reduces cholesterol, and delays the absorption of glucose  (sugar) which keeps your blood sugar more stable, thus allowing Leptin to work better and tell your body to stop eating. The real, metabolic reason fiber makes you feel fuller is because you are fuller -- dietary fiber has no calories, but it increases food volume. There you have it: reduce caloric intake but increase the volume and the frequency of meals.

Here is a list of high-fiber foods from the Mayo Clinic.

So, that's the big secret. Eat more and you can lose weight better, you just need to follow a couple simple rules. Higher food volume, lower caloric value.

5 Foods To Never Eat

Very good presentation about 5 foods that we are told all the time are healthy for us, that really aren't.

Note, it is a commercial for a paid service, and it is a little long, but it really is a GREAT presentation.

5 Foods To Never Eat

Day 2

Welcome to Day 2.
Weighed myself at 231.6, so I gained 0.8 lbs. which is negligible. Coming off a day of fasting., I'm surprised I didn't gain more.

Had NO problems whatsoever not smoking until the battery died in my rechargeable eCig. And I was supposed to go over to Lysa's house for our standing appointment, Sunday Happy Hour. And then I was all, Um, I can't hang. I gotta deal with this. So, I dashed off to the store and bought a disposable. I just knew -- we're gonna drink, I HAVE to smoke. So, I spent some moneny ($9) I didn't need to, but... then maybe I did need to.

Vegan Fast Day 2:

Just fine.
Breakfast: Vegan smoothie with 1/2 cup vanilla soy milk, 1/2 cup "green machine" fruit and veg green drink, 1/2 of banana, 1/2 cup fresh strawberries, 1 Granny smith apple, pureed.

Lunch: "Tofu Scramble" from work -- curry tofu, red and green peppers, onion, and I had them add sundried tomato, and put it in a spinach wrap, with 1/3 cup homefried potatoes on the side.

Dinner: Red and green bell peppers, broccoli, cucumber, white vinegar & table salt, hummus, wheat crackers, and fresh tomato.

"Snack": also drank 4 oz. Sauza tequila, 2 Corona and 1 tequila & ginger ale.

Not too bad. I went over about 110 calories overall, and I'm under on my protein by about 20 grams. Gotta find some more protein in my diet. But I knew I was gonna drink with Lysa so I budgeted. It's OK as long as I keep my protein high overall.

I'm finding (two days in with some time of preplanning...) that being vegan makes the protein intake harder. I'm not getting the protein I would normally be getting from dairy. Hm. With only 7 days on the vegan fast I'm not that worried about it, but if I were going to be vegan all the time it would be a concern. And it's worth looking into alternate high-protein sources.

Recipe: yummy vegan burger

Boca Burger with spinach and tomato
2 Boca burger
2 English muffins*, toasted
2 thick slices of fresh tomato
1/2 cup fresh spinach
1/2 cup onion
1/2 cup bell pepper
1/2 cup fresh mushrooms
1 tsp. salt
1 tbl. vegetable oil
1 tbl. hot sauce

Sautee onions, bell pepper and mushrooms with salt, oil and hot sauce. Grill Boca burgers in same pan. Pile on toasted English muffins and top with tomato and spinach.
*English muffins are not entirely vegan, as they may contain up to 2% buttermilk

614 cal / 83 g carbs / 18 g fat / 39 g protein