Weight-In Wednesday: lost 3 lbs. and big-boy breakfast

I did it! I made my goal for the week, plus a little. (Which is exactly what I said, "I need to be be at goal or a little ahead, instead of playing catch-up the rest of the time. Those little misses add up to big misses.")

This week's weight goal was 280, and as of this morning I am at 279. SWEET -- saw a 7. This means overall I have lost 3 lbs. this week and 11 lbs. overall since May. And that also means that really, I have lost 10 lbs. twice because in the end of June my weight blimped back up to 290. Gonna aim to not let that happen again.

I've discovered something empirically that I could not accept based on the word of others, even everyone:

I need to restrict my calorie intake at night.

I weight myself every day, twice a day. And, nearly every time I am as much as 3 lbs. lighter in the afternoon than I am first thing in the morning. The only times this has not been true were when I consciously stopped myself from eating into the evening and then my weight in the morning is right at, or just barely a sliver under my weight from the previous afternoon.

After two months of monitoring this, ruminating on it, Googling it, and generally letting it settle into my brain I have been forced to accept that simply saying that late night eating is my real problem is not sufficient to addressing it -- I have to actually not eat.

I use Google Fit to track my activity level and my BMR during the day and when I get home from work any given day I am usually at a 600-1000 calorie deficit for the day, which is right on target. For my overall goal, I am working toward being at a 750 calorie deficit every day with exercise calculated as part of it. That will (mathematically at least) allow me to lose 1.5 lbs per week. So then... I plant my ass in front of the TV and start eating. There are days more than 50% of my calories are consumed at home in the evening. And there are plenty of nights I go way over that.

I have found a couple things that help remedy that. Mostly, shifting a lot of my calories to breakfast makes a big difference. And secondarily to that, eating my greasy carbs at lunch (if I want them) seems to neutralize their negatives and maximize their positives. Yes there are positives such as: me being happy because I get to eat a french fry or a fried fish sandwich once in a while, and the calorie-fat-carb blast in the middle of the day keeps me going through the "late day slump." On the regular my lunch is a salad, but if I want crispy fried chicken on top of it, I have it. Or if there is something irresistible like coleslaw. Mmm. I need to be psychologically satisfied with my meals, too.

Oddly enough, I have to face weird reactions to eating a big breakfast. Where I work, we eat our meals together, in the dining room, with the residents (I work in an assisted living / nursing home.) And I often get comments like, "Well that's a big-boy breakfast isn't it?" Or, "Gee, are you hungry?" (To which I always simply say, "Yep.") (Note I could show up at the table with a 1000 calorie LUNCH on my plate and no one would bat an eyelash, but I eat a full plate of food at breakfast and it's a "big boy breakfast.")

My average breakfast runs around 600 calories. I normally have 2 scrambled eggs, gluten free toast, an apple, half a banana and either oatmeal or yogurt (but not both) and if there is bacon -- obviously, it's bacon. Eating a nice, big breakfast gives me energy through the day, makes it so I can eat a much lower calorie lunch (usually I eat a large salad with whatever protein is being served -- chicken or fish, etc.) and I have the balance of the day for my metabolism to actually use the fat calories instead of store them. My mood throughout the day is also higher and more positive if I had a good breakfast, and I am able to handle stress and demanding situations a lot more readily.

So yes. It is a "big-boy breakfast," because I'm a big boy and I have a lot of work to do. I'm working on not reacting emotionally to criticisms of my weight (which is what commenting on the size of a meal really is.) It's easy to knee-jerk to a defensive reaction, but I do try to save those for the deserving (like the asshole who made a shitty comment to me at an ice cream shop -- yeah I told that guy to go fuck himself, "I have an idea: how about you keep your fucking opinion to yourself where it belongs. What? You thought I came here for a salad maybe? So yeah. Fuck off." .... pretty sure is what I said that time.) But in general I am working on using my Zen on people's opinions / reactions to my weigh and fitness goals the way I do with nearly everything else. I'm making progress, but it's slow going.

At any rate, it's a good week. Lost 3 lbs. Met my exercise, activity, and tracking goals, and I am feeling stronger and healthier. I am going to write a separate entry about the night eating and some goal setting surrounding that. Stay tuned.

Weigh-In Wednesday -- Lost 4 lbs.

234 lbs., lost 4 lbs., total lost 19 lbs. so far.

Also took my measurements, which I am doing monthly:

Bicep: 15 inches, +2 since start

Chest: 43 inches, -4 since start

Neck: 17 inches, -1 since start

Waist: 48 inches, -4 since start

Calves: 16 inches, -1 since start

Thighs: 24.5 inches, -1.5 since start

*phew* I was worried I was gonna gain weight a second week, or not lose anything. I'm very relieved to see the scale going in the right direction again.

Well, so what was different this last week?

I didn't eat late at night.
I focused on my diet, not on the weight gain from 2 weeks ago
I was a lot more active

Still didn't have an ideal week. I skipped breakfast a couple days.

I have been drinking my breakfast smoothie again, though, which I like. It really does make a difference in terms of managing my hunger and helping me to eat earlier in the day.

It's still a learning process for me to internalize that -- the more quality nutrition I take in, earlier in the day, the less hungry I am by dinner time, so it is possible to eat a sensible sized dinner and not end up eating again before bed. Also, that allows me to be able to have an evening snack that doesn't grow into a meal of junk food before I'm done eating it.

I also have to give myself permission to eat a snack if I want. I am a salty snacker, always have been and it has been hard to keep snack foods since I started WW's again. Something like Cheez-Its or Doritos is obviously not gonna happen. I can't waste my points on a "binge food" like that. (I call them binge foods because they are snacks that I will eat the entire package in a single sitting.)

Anyway, I gave myself permission to buy some "Asian chex mix," as I call it. You know, those crunchy rice crackers that are flavored with soy and come in a few different types, all mixed. They're relatively low-fat and low-calorie compared to chips or wheat crackers, and they have a little bit of fiber. And more importantly, I can eat them as a snack, a couple handfuls and I'm good. They're not a binge food.

Oh right, and I treated myself to a really awesome, well deserved indulgence last week, much higher quality in every way than the McDonald's blunder two weeks ago:

I had Pad Thai. Mm. And the whole shebang, I ordered take-out from Bangkok Thai, also had spring rolls with it. As I said, a way higher quality indulgence in every way: I love Pad Thai first of all, even now thinking about it, I am drooling a little. And they made it exactly the way I like it best, as hot as possible and a little dry in terms of the sauce. Plus, since it was take-out (as opposed to sitting in the parking lot of McDonald's gobbling down a nasty burger and some crackfries) I also brought it home, put on my comfy clothes and ate it while I watched a scary movie. I also got a large, so it turned out to be enough that I ate it for dinner and finished it as my snack later on.  It did cost more ($16 versus $6 at McDs.) and it took more time, but that is also better in a way. The whole thing was an event in and of itself. I consciously chose it as my weekly indulgence, so the fact that it took some time and planning also increased my happiness with the overall experience. Plus, I got to flirt with the gorgeous Thai boy who waited on me (I walked in and ordered it, then went strolling around the 2 stores across the parking lot while they made it.) So, yeah, for $16 I got a very awesome dinner and a nice planned indulgence, with bonus man candy.

Fantastic. It's all back on track.

Goals for next week:

• Lose at least 1 lb.
• Make sure the weekly indulgence is both planned and quality
• Eat breakfast every day

Here's some images showing my monthly progress:

OK, Weight Watcher's warned me...

BLAH. OMG.

OK, so last Wednesday I got a warning message from Weight Watchers that I am loosing weight too fast. At the time, I was all, Whatever, sure I've been going way below my points once in a while, but it will level out.

Sure as hell is "leveling out." Here's what leveling out looks like:

So, I knew I wasn't eating enough. Still continued not eating enough.

Yesterday, I was so hungry I ate almost double my daily points, the equivalent of 5 full meals, like I used to eat every day. I couldn't help it, I was literally starving, I know how my body feels when it starts to go into calorie deficit and it's gonna get some food, period.

Whatever, I gave myself permission to eat all day yesterday. For real, the week prior, I literally ate half what my body is accustomed to, way too little food. As I said in the last post, 3 days I went down to like 50% of my daily points. That's pretty dramatic.

Anyway, this leads us to today. Today, I have uncomfortable gas, I feel bloated and groggy, and I have had to shit like 6 times. In spite of this, I have also been "hungry" all day, even though my belly is full. Oi. So, I stretched my stomach out with all that food. Gotta curb cravings now....... *headdesk*

Tomorrow, we may be leveled out. More likely Tuesday before I feel adjusted again.

I'll learn someday.

Weigh-In Wednesday - Lost 3 lbs.

Sweet,
242 lbs., lost 3 lbs., overall lost 11 lbs. so far.

I just caught myself, arms crossed, looking out the window and nodding to myself, "It's working."

It is totally working. I have always been shocked by the cause and effect in my life, I'm not sure why. But especially when it's my own behavior, I'm always like, "OH! Duh...." Like right now. I changed my diet for real, not just for a day or two, and there is a resultant change in me. Huh.. who knew? LOL

I'm really pleased to see this result, because I felt like I went off the wagon a couple times this week. Truthfully though, I ate a cheese burger and fries one time, which is normal, right? Once a week you treat yourself to some meal like that.

So-so on my goals for the week: I did eat breakfast every day, but I only worked out twice (goal is 5 times a week.)

So goals for next week:

• I wanna try one completely new meal this week, something I've never thought of before
• Work out 5 days

I lost 6 lbs. Weigh-In Wednesday

Weigh-In Wednesday, 9/17/2014, Week 1

Weight 247 lbs.

I lost 6 lbs this week. That is awesome.

Still not smoking cigarettes, it's getting easier every day.

Weight Watchers is going really well. I find it really does help me. Their system is awesome because there's no forbidden foods, and some of my favorite foods are 0-point foods, so you're not hungry. You don't have to starve yourself. If you're hungry you can eat something.

And using their online tracking and goal setting tools is really great for me. It helps me to actually see what I ate and what it's impact on my overall nutrition was, and that helps me see where I can make healthier choices and still eat the meals I like. Plus, you also see the direct effect of exercise. Pretty much you get 1 point for every 5 minutes you work out or do cardio or any kind of active exercising. (Well, I think you get 2 pts for running.... yeah not yet.) Anyway, you literally see where your activity level is helping you.

Anyway, ok enough with the Weight Watchers commercial. LOL

Some ups and downs this week. I had a couple days where I really went over my points for the day, but I managed to stay on my weekly points overall. Still, a little lesson from that. It was my first week back on the program after all. And I still lost 6 lbs.

A few things I know made a difference for sure. I did not have homefries or french fries even once this week with my meals at work. I didn't drink. And, I cooked all of my at-home meals at home (didn't eat out or buy premade meals.)

I changed up a few of my work meals so I can still have them but they are better for me.

• switched to veggie sausage and cheddar on the eggwich
• no homefries / french fries / chips
• no cheeseburgers
• if I ordered a sandwich, I had it as a wrap, it's half the points

Not smoking:

My sense of smell is back, didn't realize I couldn't smell things before.
No more wheezing at night.
Still having coughing fits where I'm hacking up gross shit.
My lungs feel better, I can actually feel them feeling better.

My voice is coming back a little, still waiting on that one. Last time I quit smoking I remember all of a sudden having to clear my throat like 30 times in a row and afterward my voice sounded different to me for a day or so until I got used to it. And I noticed my singing voice came back very noticeably. I remember singing along to the radio in the car and being like, "OMG, I can hit that note again." So anyway, I'm looking forward to that this time.

Not smoking during the day at all at work, I don't think about it much even. I'm still using the e-cig in the car and at home a little. Still don't care about that. I'm really happy to be done with cigarettes. I had a landmark moment with it where I got in the car at the end of the day and was like, "Holy shit, I don't have to go to the store. I can just go right home."

I'm really surprised at how little I think about cigarettes. Even when I quit back in 2010 with the patch, like this time, I thought about smoking all the time. Now, I really don't think about it all day at work. I do go outside one time at the very end of the day with my e-cig. So I guess technically I am still "smoking." I don't care about that, I just want to be done with cigarettes. I barely use the e-cig too, I find myself holding it more that smoking it.

Didn't really exercise this week. I will change that today. I got my stepper out, it is sitting in the middle of the living room.

It feels good to be back on the wagon.