I lost 6 lbs. Weigh-In Wednesday

Weigh-In Wednesday, 9/17/2014, Week 1

Weight 247 lbs.

I lost 6 lbs this week. That is awesome.

Still not smoking cigarettes, it's getting easier every day.

Weight Watchers is going really well. I find it really does help me. Their system is awesome because there's no forbidden foods, and some of my favorite foods are 0-point foods, so you're not hungry. You don't have to starve yourself. If you're hungry you can eat something.

And using their online tracking and goal setting tools is really great for me. It helps me to actually see what I ate and what it's impact on my overall nutrition was, and that helps me see where I can make healthier choices and still eat the meals I like. Plus, you also see the direct effect of exercise. Pretty much you get 1 point for every 5 minutes you work out or do cardio or any kind of active exercising. (Well, I think you get 2 pts for running.... yeah not yet.) Anyway, you literally see where your activity level is helping you.

Anyway, ok enough with the Weight Watchers commercial. LOL

Some ups and downs this week. I had a couple days where I really went over my points for the day, but I managed to stay on my weekly points overall. Still, a little lesson from that. It was my first week back on the program after all. And I still lost 6 lbs.

A few things I know made a difference for sure. I did not have homefries or french fries even once this week with my meals at work. I didn't drink. And, I cooked all of my at-home meals at home (didn't eat out or buy premade meals.)

I changed up a few of my work meals so I can still have them but they are better for me.

• switched to veggie sausage and cheddar on the eggwich
• no homefries / french fries / chips
• no cheeseburgers
• if I ordered a sandwich, I had it as a wrap, it's half the points

Not smoking:

My sense of smell is back, didn't realize I couldn't smell things before.
No more wheezing at night.
Still having coughing fits where I'm hacking up gross shit.
My lungs feel better, I can actually feel them feeling better.

My voice is coming back a little, still waiting on that one. Last time I quit smoking I remember all of a sudden having to clear my throat like 30 times in a row and afterward my voice sounded different to me for a day or so until I got used to it. And I noticed my singing voice came back very noticeably. I remember singing along to the radio in the car and being like, "OMG, I can hit that note again." So anyway, I'm looking forward to that this time.

Not smoking during the day at all at work, I don't think about it much even. I'm still using the e-cig in the car and at home a little. Still don't care about that. I'm really happy to be done with cigarettes. I had a landmark moment with it where I got in the car at the end of the day and was like, "Holy shit, I don't have to go to the store. I can just go right home."

I'm really surprised at how little I think about cigarettes. Even when I quit back in 2010 with the patch, like this time, I thought about smoking all the time. Now, I really don't think about it all day at work. I do go outside one time at the very end of the day with my e-cig. So I guess technically I am still "smoking." I don't care about that, I just want to be done with cigarettes. I barely use the e-cig too, I find myself holding it more that smoking it.

Didn't really exercise this week. I will change that today. I got my stepper out, it is sitting in the middle of the living room.

It feels good to be back on the wagon.

maybe it's time to join a gym

OK.

So my elliptical is broken.

The bolt that connects the left pedal to the fly wheel is stripped, so bad they couldn't re-fit it at the auto shop. Plus, it is a "left handed" specialty bolt that basically can only be replaced by the company that makes the elliptical. I tried the electric tape around the bolt head thing -- nope, it held for about 10 seconds and slam it was off again. Blah, blah, blah, I could go on and on about how I've spent almost all of my day except when I was at work either driving store to store trying to get it fixed, or at home trying to McGyver it.... it's broken, that's that.

So -- do I, a) buy another one so that one can break too in 3 weeks, or b) buy an even more expensive one and hope it doesn't break, c) buy a different cardio machine, or d) say f--k it and go join a gym?

I feel like I am on a precipice where my whole fitness and health goals are about to fall apart. When it happened this morning -- like 90 seconds into my workout -- I felt so discouraged that right at that moment I said, "Fine, I give up. WTF?? Is fate against me??" I finally find the motivation to put serious dedication into working out, like legitimate working out -- including spending a significant chunk of money on home workout equipment..... I mean, really???? I swear it feels like one of those "well that's just how my life always goes" moments, you know what I mean?

In addition to this, I have also gained weight. Gained. I'm doing my elliptical 5-6 days a week for 30 min a day and I gained weight. Around 4 lbs., which is minor, but still, that combined with my elliptical breaking and I was like, "Are you kidding me? Is this really happening?" I just had that feeling, that sinking feeling in my chest, like no matter what I do it fails. I've done this right, all of it, by the book and I've applied myself to the point that I don't feel right unless I get my workout in. Really? Me? Kyle the Fat Kid needs to work out to feel ok?

Demons begone, right?

So throughout the day at work as I was mulling over the situation.....

I realized that I was going to do something about it. I'm not going to give up.

I went to Wal-Mart after work and looked at cardio equipment. And as I was looking at them, considering just saying fuck it and buying either another elliptical or bike or something, I kept thinking to myself, I should just buck up and get over my thing about the gym and go join the Y. I did talk myself into walking over to the DIY section and getting some McGyver materials before I just bought another one, so I came home with electric tape, galvanized wire and bungee cords. (None of that worked.) However, even before my attempted solution failed, I still kept having that back burner conversation with myself about the gym.

I just have issues with the gym. I feel so uncomfortable working out in front of other people.

But, I also think I can get over that. I've found that since I quit smoking, I can work out a lot longer and a lot harder and since I have been also doing strength training I can lift more. I think I will be able to just focus on my workout and not be so worried that I look dumb or people are staring at me or whatever. I also think that having a variety of equipment and training options and a fully set up gymnasium at my disposal would be awesome.

Anyway.... I think that covers it. I'm gonna mull it over for another day or two.