Major Wake-Up Calls -- I'm Back

So, it's been about a year since I fell off the wagon.

Had quite a few wakeup calls lately.

First off, I'm getting too fat for my clothes. And I threw away all my "fat clothes" 3 years ago when I was down to 185 lbs. A good half of my dress shirts don't fit me, and some of my t-shirts and polos are getting to where my belly hangs out of them unless I wear a t-shirt under, tucked in. I've also noticed I'm starting to have trouble with my knees again, which is a sure sign I am packing on the weight. I've gained most of it in my belly, although my double chin is coming back too.

I weigh 253 lbs. as of yesterday. It's bad. My BMI 33.4.
14 months ago when I was at my best in terms of being on track, I was back down to 226 and 29.8 BMI, so I've put on 27 lbs. and added 3.6 points to my BMI. Meaning, I've been steadily gaining 2 lbs. a month. Overall, from my lowest adult weight in the spring of 2011, of 185 lbs. / 24.4 BMI, I've gained back 68 lbs.

Smoking...

I am quitting smoking tomorrow. I don't know why the hell I ever started again. I quit for 4 months in 2010, seriously why did I ever pick up a cigarette again?? I woke up last night in the middle of the night because I was wheezing so loud it woke me up. Today I will go get some nicotine patches. Tomorrow I will put one on when I wake up. Today is my last day as a smoker forever. I'm quitting for good this time. It will be the 3rd serious try.

... and drinking.

It is no coincidence that my serious weight gain directly correlates to the fact that my drinking has stepped back up to Good Old Days Levels almost. And the more I drink, the more I progressively give myself permission to -- meaning, the less and less I care about it. BUT, it isn't the Good Old Days any more, and I'm 42, and fat, and I smoke. Drinking takes a much heavier toll on me than it did back in the day.

In truth, I am considering going to an AA meeting. I don't want to drink any more. If I could just drink a beer or a glass of wine after dinner that would be fine. But I don't drink just one. I get drunk every time I drink. It's been very hard for me to consider even admitting I might have a problem. But yeah... the drinking is definitely facilitating my weight gain, and it makes me feel shitty, gives me problems sleeping, you name it. It's time to get that part of my life over with.

Today I re-joined Weight Watchers Online, and it was quite a wakeup call of its own. I went to the food tracker and entered a hypothetical day -- a typical day for me. And I found I was using ALL my points for the entire week, including DOUBLE the "indulgence free points" they give you, in one day. It really opened my eyes to how far off my nutrition plan I've fallen. It's not how much I'm eating, it's WHAT I eat.

So, I'm back on the diet. I hate the word diet, but I'm back. My nutrition plan just got yanked back into place.

What makes me so aware of all this all of a sudden?

I'll tell you:

My mother has been in the hospital for 8 weeks this coming Sunday. It's the longest she has ever been in, and she is very sick. She is sicker than when she had bypass surgery. Her diabetes is worsening. She had another heart attack and then another minor one since being in the hospital. She is so weak she can't adjust her own position in the recliner she is in. She can't go to the bathroom without assistance, including someone cleaning her afterward. She is on oxygen and nebulizer treatments. And she is so fat she can't get comfortable. She is 14 inches shorter than me, but weight 30 lbs. more than me. I don't have any idea how long she will have to be hospitalized and at this point the goal is to get her well enough to go to a nursing home. Yes, a nursing home -- my mother is only 62.

THAT IS NOT HAPPENING TO ME

Diabetes and obesity killed my grandfather too. That should have been a wakeup call. But seeing my mother that way really has been. In terms of my habits and eating patterns and lack of exercise and weight gain as I get older, I am living the EXACT lifestyle that brought all of this on my mother. I cannot let that happen to me. It is not too late, yet. 

Anyway, I'm going to start writing in the blog again. I hope you all will still follow me.

Day 1

Me at 230 lbs. - June 1st, 2013

Well, here it is. Me shirtless.

Today is June 1st, 2013, I weighed myself this morning at 230.8 lbs.

Here's a little scoop: 

I said I was going to quit smoking by the time I was 40, which was last August. I'll be 41 on my birthday this summer.  I quit smoking for 4 months in the winter of '09-'10, and as soon as I picked it up again I said I would quit again, that was 3 years ago. Then this January, I saw this news story, from CBS about a medical study claiming if you quit smoking by age 40, you can reverse all of the health effects of smoking. And I thought, That's it, I'm doing it. If I quit while I'm still 40, I'm counting it. 

So, about 5 days ago I bought an eCigarette and started aggressively weening myself off tobacco. I smoked one final pack of cigarettes, 2-5 a day until they were gone. I knew I couldn't keep them and not smoke them, so yesterday I smoked the last 9 in the pack. I also went out for a beer after work and I smoked 3 of my friend's cigarettes too. So today, June 1st, is my first day entirely tobacco free. So far I've had no problems at all, a few mild cravings, but the eCig really does the trick. When I quit before I used the patch (transdermal) and it worked for me just fine, but I think I like the eCig even better because I still get the ritual of smoking, as well as the social aspect. And the eCig itself is a nice conversation piece. At any rate, yay me! As of today I am tobacco free.

I have also decided that I am going to be vegetarian again.

I was a vegetarian from late 1993 - sometime in 1999, I don't remember the exact time frame that I started eating meat again, it just kind of crept back in. Being vegetarian really agreed with me, and I took to the diet easily. I also lost a lot of weight on a vegetarian diet, which was the only thing that changed in my lifestyle at the time. Honestly, every time I have ever given consideration to losing weight, I have remembered that and said, "Gee, I should try that again." Well, duh. So, let's actually try it. Therefore, I decided that beginning today, June 1st, I am going to be vegetarian again. 

Technically I am a Flexitarian, which is a vegetarian who occasionally eats meat. Even when I was a "vegetarian" before, this is actually what I was. Then, I still ate shellfish and tuna, and once in a while bacon would be too much of a temptation to resist. This time, I have simply given myself permission to eat meat if I want to. I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

I have challenged myself to start off my vegetarian diet with a twist though. I've decided to try being vegan for the first 7 days. Overall, I am not willing to exclude dairy from my diet, but I like the idea of an all-vegetable fast to start out my new diet. Eating vegan for a week will give my GI tract a nice scrubbing.

Today was also Day 1 of what I am calling my "vegan fast." So far, I have eaten: coffee, 1 large Granny Smith apple, 1 cup of green seedless grapes, and 1 Amy's Indian Samosa Wrap. I felt very full after the meal, but now about 2 hours later, I feel hungry again. I am going to make myself a Boca burger wrap I think with lots of veggies and some rice.... or maybe barley, or a mix of both.

I skipped breakfast today, big no-no, and one I often commit. I vow to eat breakfast.

Still haven't done any cardio today, but as soon as I post this, I am going to do 15 minutes of Zumba on TV.

About coffee. I might have to start drinking it black again. I use low-fat non-dairy creamer and Splenda, but that creamer is still loaded with empty carbs, plus it has aluminum in it -- did you know, if you throw the stuff on a flame it will spark bright green? The Splenda I can probably still use. 

I try not to eat any white sugar. Many members of my family are diabetic, and I have seen some of the warning signs in myself. That is one of the big motivators that has made me finally take my health seriously. My grandfather was very sick with diabetes and it definitely was the main cause of his death, and my mother is diabetic as well. I don't want to be diabetic, and I realized that the only person who is capable of changing my lifestyle is me. So, here we are, blogging about it.